We're Moving

Please note that PTTAAF has moved to it's own blog.  -->  PTTAAF

This is to distinguish between random blog posts and the infamous PTTAAF list.

Thanks.

It's not me...It's you.

So I've decided to devote this particular blog to PTTAAF.

So check out my new work in process ---> Some Bunny's Shit.

It will include a bunch of random things.  Enjoy and leave me....comments!!!

Hiya Stranger

Ah, I can't believe I completely neglected my blog and youse guys for over a month.  I'll just apologize now.

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry that I haven't written you even when I said I would...please forgive me.

Your friend,

Andy

Oh, and for everyone else...my bad.

I could have lied and said that I intentionally skipped February because it's by far the most retarded month.  Oh, excuse me, I mean the month with the most severe mental disabilities.  For one, it's not spelled how it sounds phonetically, and it's the only month with less than 30 days.  Plus on top of that, every four years we just tack on an extra day to the second month of the year for shits and giggles.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I know that it's because we need to keep the solar year balanced and blah, blah, blah.  But, why do we add it to February?  Why not to January or December?  Seems to me it would make more sense to add an extra day to the end months.  Anyone have an answer for that one?  I'm too lazy to Google it and I refuse to pay a dollar for kgb to do it.

Let's just get straight to it.

PTTAAF 7*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

A spark of inspiration.


31.  Know it Alls (KIA)

So, I'm not going to drop any specific names on this one, but I think that these kinds of people are easy to spot.  It's one thing when a person knows nothing at all and has shit for brains. But it's a totally different ball game when a person knows nothing, but says anything and everything to portray an image of intellect.  We all know that I am easily annoyed by idiots, but if you're a know it all, most likely I do everything in my power to avoid you at all cost.  Like I've said before, if I answer you with short one syllable words....hint hint! I don't want you to direct any kind of conversation toward me.

Usually Know-it-Alls claim to be from multiple places, are at least bilingual, and knows everything about current news and random knowledge.  When I actually have enough patience to deal with a KIA, my favorite thing to do is mess with them.  I'll create some obscure news story and see if they take a bite at the bait.  Usually they do, because KIAs can never be out of the loop.  It's so funny to see a person's response to my lies about how chewing your food more than 10x causes cancer or how the color pink is becoming endangered.  Usually KIAs will put their finger to their chin while pondering and say, "Oh, yeah I've read about that somewhere."  The truth is you haven't because I pulled all of that straight out of my ass hole.  Do everyone a favor and just shut the hell up for once.  Here's a rule of thumb, if a person doesn't ask for your opinion it usually means they don't want it.

32.  When people are bitchy-nice

Who here doesn't know what bitchy-nice is?  Well, I guess this can be defined in many ways, but let me include what I think it entails.  When a person constantly has a smile stuck on their face while simultaneously is being insulting or degrading, is my definition for "bitchy-nice."  The funny thing is that usually this pertains to females.  It's usually the lady who has some kind of minuscule job, but has some kind of loaded snazzy title like administrative assistant = secretary or sales associate = Wal-Mart employee.  They kind of grit their teeth when speaking and they talk through their teeth like a cheap ventriloquist.  I don't understand why people put these two attributes together. I mean c'mon we all know that the "nice" is an act and the truth is that you're just really a bitch.  So, if you're going to be a bitch then fine, be one.  But, don't try to hide it by pretending to be my best friend.  I know who my friends are and I don't need a female pooch to hump my leg.

33.  When people's butt cracks constantly show.

Please note that I inserted the word "constantly."  I understand that sometimes pants can sag down due to gravity and what not, but if it is corrected within a certain time period I'll deem it acceptable.  But, the majority of the time when ass crack is shown, it is by the skanky girl in front of me during lecture or the somewhat heavy set guy that from far away seems like he shares a common odor with an old sopping rag or mop.  I mean c'mon can these people really not feel that their cracks are exposed?  Sometimes I intentionally power-walk directly behind them hoping that the gust of wind from my stroll will trigger a cool sensation to their ass fold. 

So, I've thought of a solution to this gluteus maximus cleavage epidemic.  Instead of young women only getting floral/butterfly lower back tattoos...I suggest something along these lines:

Hey, at least it's a bit considerate, right?

34.  When people ask questions they already know the answer to.

This could go either way.  One or two of these kinds of questions could be acceptable only in the following situations:

Acceptable Examples:

To start a conversation:  Oh, hey you're John Doe's sister, right?
To get something back that's yours:  Oh, is that my pen you're using?
To end a conversation:  Oh, wow it's 10 o'clock already?

Note that most of these questions start with, "Oh."  But, any interjection can be used at the beginning of these questions to avoid extreme awkwardness toward the other party.

What is not permitted is when you ask a question just for instant gratification to let others that you might actually know something. Usually these questions have particularly simple answers that even Forrest Gump could give with ease.  Or the questions can easily be converted into statements if the question mark is replaced with a period.

Prohibited Examples:

Two plus two equals four?
You're 22, so you're turning 23?
Both your parents are Filipino...so that makes you full Filipino?

I would greatly appreciate it if everyone would just stop and think before they speak sometimes.  I'm not pointing the finger to any of my readers because I know youse guys wouldn't do that, right?* e.g. of conversation ender

35.  When people say/write things that are obviously grammatically incorrect.

I'm just going to admit one thing right now.  I know I suck at grammar, comma splices, and all that jazz, but I do know the difference between possessives and contractions. Is it really that difficult? 

Your versus You're


Your = possessive 
Examples:

Is that your banana?
Your blog is awesome.
That's not mine.  I think that's yours.


You're = you are
Examples:

You're awesome.
You're so funny.
I'm glad you're here.

There- Their- They're:  It's going to be alright.

OK "there," "their," and "they're" is an example of a homophone.  Surprising to some, that is not a gay telephone.  A homophone is: one of two or more words pronounced alike but differs in meaning, derivation or spelling.

There = in or at that place

Examples:

What's over there?
Here, there, and everywhere.
There we go.

Their = of or relating to them or themselves; his or her, possessive case of they

Examples:

I lost all of their phone numbers.
Their dogs are all out.
Their prices here are pretty decent.


They're = contraction of they are

Examples:

They're so cute.
They're all busy.
They're closing in five minutes.

*A sub-note to add
"Thay" is not an English word. 

Abbreviations

I hate it when people use "proff" for professor.  Notice that there is only ONE "f" in professor.

Good to note* Knowledge courtesy of U.I.L. Dictionary skills
p = page pg = page
pp = pages pgs = pages
V. = versus VS. = versus
ABBR = Abbreviation

*Why the hell is abbreviation such a long word?  And why do we only have a short hand symbol for a two letter word? At = @  Wow, thanks for saving me a millisecond of my time.  How about we figure something out for that "h-t-t-p-colon-backslash-backslash-w-w-w-dot" bullshit?


Anyway V. Anyways

Anyway = never the less, at any rate, any how

Anyways= nonstandard, anyway

So pretty much, "anyways" is not a word.  So...don't use it.  Just the sound of it makes me cringe.  I've tried to be an active corrector of this by instantly saying "anyway" any time I hear someone use, "anyways."  So, don't be surprised when you hear an echo of  "anyway" when you blurt out a nonstandard word.

Pronunciation of my name, Andrea.

Correct:  ahn-drey-uh / an-dree-uh

Incorrect: on/awn- drey-uh

I think that I made a conscious decision on the pronunciation of my name on the first day of Kindergarten.  

Ms. Sylvester asked me, "Is it Ann-drey-uh or On-drey-uh?" 


Because I hate the sound of an "o" in my name I picked the Americanized version of my name:  Ann-drey-uh.


Technically, it's neither.  My parents named me and since they are both from Filipino decent, the "r" in my name is somewhat rolled.  So, something like this:  Ahn- drrrey- uh But, forewarning!!! Do not ever emphasize the r-rolling in my name.  That just makes you sound straight up ignorant and stupid.  I don't want anyone to turn into a freaking cat midway into saying my name.  Leave the purring to the hairball coughing and private licking felines.  

You would think the Americanized version would be everyone's first guess to pronouncing my name, but you'd be completely wrong.  Just because my skin contains a bit more melanin than some of youse white folk, it doesn't mean that I must have some crazy foreign name.  Plus, Andrea is my actual name.  It's not an American replacement for Lingxiaoping or Ching-a ling-ling, OK? 

Whew, I finally got that off my chest.

End of rant.  Please click --> HERE <-- to comment and make my day.

New Year, Old Tidings

Happy MMX!!! I hope everyone had an awesome year, but if you didn't...Hey, here's a new one, so try not to F it up.  I'm sure many of you have your resolutions thought out, but how many of you are actually going to keep 'em? My top philosophy now is to reevaluate my relationships:  family, friendship, etcetera. Aristotle's ethics include how people only have "friendships" or philia i.e. love, because the relationships are only intact because each individual uses another for some sort of advantage.  That's a pretty bizarre idea that every person in existence uses another.  We all know what I'm using you for.......ahem blog comments.  But, what's your advantage from me?  Just something to think about... Anyway, enough of this mumbo jumbo.  Let's get to what really matters...

PTTAAF 6*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

That's so.....miscellaneous.  

27.  When people flake


I understand that sometimes plans turn to shit, but c'mon.  There's a difference between change of plans and flaking.  There are many definitions for a flake, but each of them share a common word, unreliable.  How many times does a person have to ditch plans before they are named unreliable or i.e. a flake? Well, personally I think granting a person three chances is generous.  I'm all for hanging and what not, but don't make plans with me to just shit on them later.  It's such a waste of time to think you have plans and then in the end, you don't.  


28.  When people have the wrong winter attire


Of course each person's sense of warmth differentiates due to size or preference, but there are times when you think about a person's outfit with, "Wow, I guess it's not that hot/cold out here."  It's hard to visualize without clip art, eh?  Well, let me help you out with that.  


Let me categorize what I think is appropriate for the according temperatures* Please note that these are in terms of Tejas weather, so all you Canadians shut your trap.  Especially, you Alanis Morissette.  Nobody cares what you think.  As for your ex-fiancé, Ryan Reynolds....mmmm he can talk. Anyway, enough Canadian bashing.  Let's get to it.


40s - Freezing temperatures:


First off, if it's freezing in Texas my advice is to...stay indoors.  No one here can drive in sleet let alone snow.  Southern people can't even handle drizzle.  Let's all do everyone a favor and keep our lives by staying off the roads.  If you do decide to turn mental and go out side...the key word is layers.  


First layer/next to skin-  should be something that takes away the sweat from the body.  I'm sure many of you are thinking a t-shirt, but cotton soaks up water and doesn't evaporate quickly.  I prefer to wear Nike Dri-Fit. Some of you may ask, "What's Dri-fit?"  Well, here's Nike's description:  Dri-Fit:  This high-performance, microfiber, polyester fabric wicks sweat away from the body and moves it to the fabric surface, where it evaporates. As a result, Dri-FIT fabric helps you stay dry and comfortable.  

Well, I'm sold.  


Middle layer/thermal layer-  This is where you wear your warmest stuff.  The hideous wool sweater you got from one of your aunts from Christmas will do.  If it's it's cold enough it won't matter because you'll have another layer to hide the vomit green color of your sweater and you can blame the beet-red face from the cold/wind.  

*Note that I do not/never will own this sweater


Outer layer- This should be water proof and wind resistant.  This will keep you warm by protecting your thermal layer from being cold and wet.  A down puff jacket will do it it's really cold, but it might not be very accessible or practical.  And for all you Whitey Whitersons, we all know how you adore your North Face jacket.  

*****

So, I already established this is for really really cold climate, and you can always add layers between these basic ones.  But, if you only wear a T-shirt under your stupid letter jacket and complain it's cold...Get the F out of my face.  Also, you frat boys who stroll around campus in freezing temperatures with your stupid sailor shorts, Sperry Topsiders with no socks, and backwards cap...YOU DON'T LOOK "COOL!"  Pun halfway intended.  I for one think if it's freezing and you're wearing shorts and a T-shirt and are pale white and shivering, you're an IDIOT.  I have no sympathy for stupid people.  If you want my sympathy, back of the line.

50s-60s:

Down here, this is still considered a bit cold.  I would think at least a light jacket for the morning is a must and then if it warms up you can just take it off.  Only thing about this is that when it's freaking cold in the morning and when noon hits the suns slaps you across the face, I tend to get irritated to carry my jacket around.  And tying the sleeves around your waist/shoulders only works for Polo Ralph Lauren models.  

 

70s:

70s can still be cool, but it's not cold any more.  Take off your damn turtleneck and destroy your Snuggie for dogs.  

80s:

It's warm.  No need for winter attire at all.  Enjoy the nice weather, douchebags.  Take off your hoodie and sit on it.

90s-100:

It's f'ing hot.  If you're wearing any sort of jacket, you deserve to be punched square in the mouth.  Period.  Unless of course you have some sort of skin problem...OK the kids off of The Others have a pass, everyone else a fist to the face.

29.  When people chime in on conversations they know nothing about

If I'm speaking to one person, there's probably a reason I'm speaking to ONE person.  Don't walk up beside me and stare at us and wait for something to comment on.  If you notice that when you walk up to a conversation and the people look at you funny and turn back and say, "Anyway..." and continue with their conversation, most likely they don't want you standing there.  Another hint to know you're not wanted to have a conversation with is when a person only answers in one/two syllable words.  E.g.:  Uh, huh, OK, yeah, yes, etcetera.  

30.  Dr. Honeydew* I don't really hate the Muppets character, but I do hate the person he resembles.

For those of you who have no idea who this person is, feel privileged.  Just knowing that this person exists in the world makes me die inside a little every day.  This is no hyperbole.  I HATE this man.  You think that my blog is full of hate and disgust?  Well, words cannot describe how much I despise this person.  Just thinking about him disgusts me to the core.  I'm just going to leave it at this because I don't want to start having a tantrum and have a cerebral (brain) aneurysm.  Ballooning blood vessel in the brain?  Yeah, no thanks.  But, I will open up the comments for anyone who thinks they know who Dr. Honeydew is.  I would please request that you do not include his/her name, but to just include what you think of this person.  And, if you are unsure or are unaware of who Dr. Honeydew indeed is, I'm sure there is a person you know who is the equivalent, so please describe your arch nemesis.  Please, this is an open space so comment away.  

You know the drill.  Click -->  HERE <--  if you heart me.  

Da-Douche-da-douche-douche-douche* Should be read in beat of the Thong Song

TAKE A BREAK FROM FINALS!!!!!! And read s'more.

PTTAAF 5*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

I've been neglecting my blog and that makes not only me sad, but I'm sure you all as well.  So let's all have a little pick me up, shall we? 

Here's something obvious to add... DOUCHEBAGS.  Please notice that these PTTAAF additions do not start with "when people..."  Instead these are actual people or "people who do..."  so if you fall into these...chances are that I secretly hate you. 


Speaking of the word "douchebag," I remember someone in middle school said that they were the reason why the word became popular.  And he wasn't just saying popular within our little school, but the whole nation...what an idiot. 

****  

21.  Parking Attendants/Maids 

Why do we pay others to be dickheads?  Every one of you who owns a car, by now should have received some kind of parking ticket or violation.   If not...it's just a matter of time.  I understand that some parking spaces need to be saved for certain people, i.e. the handicapped or employees, but the amount of these "reserved at all times" spaces is too excessive.  

How many handicapped spaces does a place really need?  It seems that every curb is designated to be a handicapped space.  I don't know about you, but I've only seen a few people on campus in wheelchairs and I highly doubt they drive themselves to school. 

22.  People who are on Facebook on computers that are only for academic use.

I will admit that I sometimes use the the computers that are specifically labeled "For research and academic use" to check my e-mail from time to time, but NEVER when someone is waiting.  Unless, of course I didn't notice the person waiting.  When I do see an anxious person waiting I gladly relinquish my seat and offer them my computer.  But, when sitting at an adjacent desk to the computers and see that the person is now having five simultaneous Facebook conversations...I become livid.  Wow, I guess that's not very important at all and you shouldn't of given me dirty looks for using the computer for two seconds to check my e-mail.

What's so great about Facebook anyway?  It's a way to keep in touch with friends and blah, blah, blah.  What the hell ever.  First off, if you can't communicate with "friends" physically or via phone, then you're probably not friends at all, or shouldn't be.  People should stop lying and just admit that Facebook's sole purpose is for people to creep on others' pages that we like or in some cases don't like at all.  Well, in my case I'm sure many of you get harassing messages from me to comment on my blog posts...so that makes me some what of a hypocrite.  The thing is that I could text all of my contacts to comment on my blog, but that is "too much" effort for some to accomplish.  Because one would have to read my text, get on the computer, go on the internet, find my site, read the post, and then comment.  Where as if I mass message people on facebook, I can just include my blogsite link within the message. And since Facebook requires internet access the person would already be online and could just click the link attached to the message and...voilà.  This is a bit of a rationalization...but I know that even this is too much work for some to accomplish.

Well, enough of my Facebook usage schpeel...back to the topic at hand.

I especially hate when I'm the one waiting for a computer and I actually do need to use it for school work...and 90% of the people on the computers are on Facebook, flipping through stupid photo albums of people with their tongues out flashing some kind of stupid hand gesture i.e. "hook 'em horns/rock" sign or the horrid "shocker."  I usually start off waiting patiently, but after five minutes or so I do the nonchalant unnecessary cough or sigh to get someone's attention.  At this point, most not if all of the people on the computers are aware of my impatience and urgency to use a computer...so what do they all do?  Of course, they just turn back to their screens and laugh at themselves with self appreciation of their so called "witty" status.  I always manage to bite my tongue in these situations, but I'm sure some day I'm going to go off.  I'm a ticking time bomb....just wait in see.

23.  Couples who sit next to each other in a booth.

I don't know about you guys, but when I go out with someone I like speaking to them face to face.  If you sit right next to a person, you have to do that awkward  90 degree head turn.  Let's weigh out our options:  (1) sit across a person and be comfortable or (2) sit beside someone with less room and a crick in your neck.... To me the answer seems obvious, but I'm not sure what you guys think.

Not only do these people violate each other's personal space, but they have to constantly be touching each other.  Either the girl's legs are in the guy's lap or their clammy hands are interlocked.  My gosh, we all get that you're together.  If you really wanted to emphasize this, I suggest getting a shirt that says, "I'm with him/her" and has an arrow pointing to the left or right.  Just so that everyone knows.  *Buyer beware*  If you do decide to invest in one of these shirts, I suggest that you pick one with an arrow direction of your liking, because you'll have to stand on the same side of your gf/bf all the time for your stupid shirt to make sense.

Another thing is that when people sit on the same side of one booth, they are staring at an empty seat the whole time.  Now it just looks like wasted space.  If I'm ever hosting and a couple doesn't use the booth appropriately, I'm going to seat another lame love duo across from them.  At least the space wouldn't be wasted.  Productivity prevails.

24.  People who leave their belongings in empty seats when people are standing

When riding on a public transportation vehicle, I believe it is acceptable to put a bag, books, etc in the seat next to you if there is no one wanting to take a seat there. But, if the bus is full of people put your shit in your damn lap.  Why is it so hard for people to act in an appropriate way?  I guess I'll never understand.  All of these things seems so trivial and obvious to me. I'll just leave it at this:  Move your shit.

25. People who are on their phones at inappropriate times

 

Let's just start a sub-list to what I consider unacceptable and inconsiderate

End your damn phone conversation when you're:

• giving your order to a server
• receiving your order 
  
• next in line at a cashier
• at work and it's your job to greet customers
• out with people and are continuously blabbing on the phone in front of them

I'm going to stop here because I could go on forever and I'll leave some points for youse guys to add.

But, I think the one thing that really pushes me over the edge is, when I am unfortunate enough to be the person in the receiving end of this rude gesture and the person on the phone gives me the universal one pointer finger to the face that indicates, "just one minute."  Oh, how I hate this.  For one, it instantly gives me the desire to break off your damn index finger and shove it down your esophagus causing an obstruction to the airway to your lungs.  And I hope to my homeboy, Jesus, that this leads to asphyxia and then to hypoxia.  Yeah, you better believe that my words are serious, because I don't think you'll want the random weird nasally guy with probable HINI infection to attempt the Heimlich Maneuver on you.  Well, hey it's your own choice.

FIN

Again, my apologize for the somewhat blog sabbatical.  Then again, not one person added a comment or suggestion.  NOT ONE!  You know what?  I have one more...

26.  People who read my blog posts and do not comment

You know who you are...and I know that people visit my page without commenting because there is a nifty visitor counter on my right panel of my blog.  So, yeah I need documented love to my page, not just verbal.  I'm going to just throw this out there, but...  I self-consciously rate my friendships by comment frequency.  Just a little FYI for people out there.  So, to spell it out to you...the more you comment the more I'll probably like you.  And, if you don't comment at all....well, I probably hold a deep grudge buried within my soul against you.  So.... no biggie.

One more thing....Where the hell did 2009 go?

Click --> HERE <-- if you want to be my friend.  

I suck.

I haven't written a post in over a month.  My apologizes...I've been neglecting my blog and that makes me sad.  School blows... More PTTAAF to come soon.  Also, I'm open for topic suggestions.  

A Constant Reminder

PTTAAF 4*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

Quick question... If an escalator is broken, it turns into stairs, right?  Right...So, what's the policy on going up a "broken escalator" that usually descends and vice versa?  I guess if you have no knowledge to the original direction of the escalator when it was functioning..... you get a pass to walk up the newly transformed stairs?  Scratch that...I don't think that made any sense.  Instead of being philosophical...I'll just stick to things I have talent for...like bitching.

Hajimemashou!! <--- That means "let's start" in Japanese.  Hey, now you can say you learned something today....unless you already knew that...

Back to Basics

I've already scratched the surface of etiquette in one of my older posts: The American Demise* - The Deterioration of Human Propriety  But, I'd like to add s'more sub-points to this topic.  I think that politeness and intellect have a positive or direct relationship.  Well, this is probably not true...because usually the southern population is nicer than the northern.... And Southerners tend to be on the less educated side...I'll emphasize that this is my opinion, because the ruder the person is the more likely I think they are an incompetent piece of shit. 

16.  When people stop right in front of where the escalator ends

OK... let me calm down for a second.  *Exhales*  First off, typically there are people behind you on an escalator so if you stop in front of constantly moving stairs....the person behind you is going to run your ass over.  Let's just do a little role playing shall we?

So picture a full escalator with a person at every other step.  Let's say that the escalator is going down and is only wide enough for a single passenger per step ... Imagine that the person at the very bottom of the escalator stops abruptly when stepping off of the escalator.  Does anyone see a problem here?  The only option the person behind this dumb shit has, is to either attempt to back up and cause a reverse domino effect or to plow through that stupid person who stopped in the middle of a moving staircase to start texting another idiotic friend.  I vote shove the moron over and then step to the side of the escalator so each of the descending passengers can give you a high five.

Also, I like having my own person space.  The imaginary bubble that I live in and dislike wholeheartedly if someone bursts it.  I'm assuming everyone has their own bubble and the size of this bubble varies.  Anyway, here's a few questions:  Why do some people insist on being on the step right behind you?  Do they really like ass in their face while automatically inclining?  If this is the case, I suggest pleasing their peculiar philia and let out a well deserved flatulence.  What more can they want?  Now they not only get to see ass, but taste it.

17.  When people ignore you when you say, "Excuse me."

At all times, I try to be as courteous and polite as possible.  My best efforts are put forth in to remembering to say, "please" and "thank you" whenever necessary.  Most of these gestures are ignored, but "excuse me" needs to be heard and reacted to.  If there's a hallway I need to get through and it is packed with people, I usually try to snake my way through while excusing myself.  But, sometimes there isn't enough space for a three dimensional person to fit through.  When this happens, the situation should play out something like this:

Me:  "Oh, excuse me.  I need to get by you."

Sane person:  "Oh, OK.  No problem."  (and moves out of the way)

Me:  "Thank you very much."

Nice right?  Quick and easy, but this is what usually occurs:

Me:  "Oh, excuse me.  I need to get by you."

Moron:  ..... (just looks at me and turns back around)

Me: "Um...ok." (Now squeezes my way through)

Moron:  (gives me an ugly look while I'm passing by)

Me:  *whispering under my breath*  "Fucking idiot..."

I don't know about you.....but situation number one looks like a winner. 

18. When people sit at the end of a row instead of moving toward the center or all the way down

This especially pisses me off on campus because the rows/aisles are so narrow.  People have two choices:  (1)  An ass in their face (2) A pelvis in their face  Neither one of these sound appealing to me.  The easiest solution is to just move all the way down so that new comers can be easily seated.  All of you know that things aren't done in a way that are sensible...so that means that most people who first walk into a room pick the end seats.  When you have to get by these people what happens?  They do that whole deal where they move their legs to one side to let you through.  This is never enough room to pass by.  When people lunge over other's knees it looks as if they're practically sitting in their laps.  That or they're getting a free lap dance before the bell rings.  I guess it all depends on how you look at it. 

19.  Going to Wal-Mart when there are a lot of idiots present...Oh, wait that's all of the time. Let me rephrase:  Going to Wal-Mart

     A.  When people leave their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle

First of all, the only time I go to Wal-Mart now is to grab a few items for cooking or whatever; but in high school, Wal-Mart was equivalent to a theme park.  Sadly, this is one of many downsides from living in a small town.  Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that going to Wal-Mart is a quick in and out kind of deal, no smoozing  around.  That means no cart, just a hand blue carry basket.  So, when I'm only taking up my body's physical space in an aisle along with my basket, I expect the other customers to be as considerate with their cart.  Of course this isn't the case.  I seem to be always caught  in the middle of an aisle because to my right there's a lady who left her kid buckled to the cart to snag her third helping of Activia from a sample table, and to my left is an old lady with a cart full of cat or probably in her case geriatric food. So, what's the solution when you're trapped between two carts in an aisle?  I for one do not know the answer, but one would think it is to just scooch over a cart to free myself from the confinement in front of canned liverwurst and Spam.... But, NO! If you move someone's cart one centimeter...actually no, if you even touch another person's cart they flip out.  Look, I'm not trying to steal your snot nosed baby, you're the one that got yourself preggers so that's your problem.  And my other option, Cat Lady?  Well, I wouldn't want to mess with her because it's only down hill for her since Chef Boyar-Meow Mix is what's for dinner.  You might ask, "Well, what the hell do you do in this situation?"  Well personally, I release an exhale that I make sure gets noticed, and then I cross my arms and just wait for one of them to move out of my way.  I know this sounds ridiculously passive aggressive, but believe me that sigh will pierce their little hearts....or piss 'em off....Either way you're golden.

     B.  The "express" line

"Express" is in quotation marks because it's a pseudo word Wal-Mart likes to use to deceive customers.  It's almost a joke actually.  Because on every occasion that I stand in that supposed "express" line, I am stuck behind the slowest people alive, or the "speedy" checker is a frail old lady who is frightened by the new 20 and 50 dollar bills. The funniest part of these lines is that there's an "item limit."  I'm not sure if people don't know how to read, or if they're just that inconsiderate....but that "15 items or less" sign is never obliged.  There's always a woman in line that probably just got her welfare/unemployment check and has just raided all of Wal-Mart's aisles.   And of course this woman is in front of me in the "express lane," and I only have a bag of chips and some chewing gum.  D'ya think she was courteous enough to let me check out before her?  Before you answer "yes," let me just remind you that she's probably an unemployed mother of 10 and has been supported by the government since she lost her last permanent tooth.  Of course the answer is NO! That's just one scenario.

  Let me just list some others that I've been lucky enough to experience in the express line:

• When the person in front of me pays with all coins.  I have no problem with paying with coins, but your math skills have to be at least par to 1st grade for this.  And trust me, these people play with a handicap in math.
• When the customer and the cashier are having a long conversation and there is obviously a line forming.
• When you're waiting in line and then when you finally get to the front, the cashier turns off the register light.*  *Indicating that his/her register is closed.
  
• When the person checks out and doesn't have money for all of their items.  I understand that sometimes you can be a few dollars short, but don't go shopping with twenty bucks and fill up your cart with 50 bags of Cheetos or whatever and then get surprised that you don't have enough money.  The worst part is that these people cannot estimate the amount of money needed.  So they'll tell the cashier to take off one item at a time to see if they can afford it.....Uh, I swear the next time I'm behind a person like this I'm going to flip. 

I'm sure there are many more, but I should stop before I go into another anger outburst.  Anyway, I'm not sure if every person encounters these problems, but I for one always do.  I've come to terms that I am indeed an idiot magnet.  I've just accepted this fact, but luckily being an idiot magnet is good for you.  Because what else could I blog about?  I think I'll just stick to what I'm good at....which is of course bitching and moaning. 

     C.  The Self-Check Out

When this came out I was excited because it seemed like it would solve some of my Wal-Mart line discrepancies.  *Sigh*  Once more it's just another let down.  People are just too incompetent for self checkout. I thought that putting a barcode to a scanner wouldn't take much brain activity, but I guess it does.  Self checkout I guess is the poor man's sudoko.  I won't get into this one with much detail, but I'm sure you can imagine what occurrences could happen.  I mean if you let people do someone else's job on their own....you know that this is a guaranteed head throb.

That was a lot on Wal-Mart...my apologies.

20.  When people with umbrellas walk under covered walkways

I've already established in Free Car Wash that I never have an umbrella when it rains.  Today I was trying to walk under some of the few covered walkways on the Drag, but was bombarded with all of the people who had umbrellas.  Since I'm trying not to get wet I should have the right of way under the covered walkway.  Sheesh... they already have an umbrella and that takes up most of the sidewalk.  I mean people don't keep their umbrellas open when they go through buildings...what's the difference here?  When I was walking today it was as if the sidewalk was an obstacle course and I had to duck and maneuver myself out of harms way from the sharp and jagged metal points of the umbrellas.  I should have just crouched low enough to stay under all of the umbrellas, but that would have been too much effort.  My sis was smarter about it.  She just swatted away the umbrellas like flies. 

You should all know the drill by now... Click -->HERE <---

Alex, I'll take Potpourri for 400 Please

School has started once again...*sigh* I hope everyone's break was relaxing and enjoyable. I for one can count the things I did during summer break on one hand... worked and watched movies.... and went on that family vacation. Anyway, the stresses of classes will commence soon and that will give me another thing to bitch about. Speaking of bitching... let's get to it, shall we?

PTTAAF 3*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

Random Sightings:

11. When people bring their children to the movies-

I know that getting a babysitter in times of need is sometimes difficult, but my goodness... I don't think that bringing a five month old teething baby to a theater with hundreds of other people is a good idea. I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I figure that a dark room full of strangers wanting to watch a movie they paid about ten bucks to see on an opening weekend doesn't want some stupid kid (who got in for free) to ruin it by their loud and obnoxious cries. If you ask me... children should pay a higher premium to go out to public places...that way adults are discouraged to bring them. And don't get mad at me...it's just a suggestion. If you ever had to clean up after someone else's kid, I think you'd agree with me on this one. I don't know how many times I had to sweep up those damn Gerber Graduates star shaped snacks, but c'mon people! If you do decide to bring your 'only cute to you' child out...do everyone a favor and clean up after your own damn kid. Sheesh...

12. Public Urination-

I didn't think that I actually had to put this on here because I think it's obvious that this act shouldn't be done... So why am I putting this on here now? Because I was having lunch with my sister and this kid about six or seven years old pops open the door and starts pissing on the sidewalk. I was appalled because his mother and her friend just watched him do this disgusting deed. I think I was staring with my jaw open and I was so shocked that I think my Asian eyes were so wide that they probably looked like regular sized ones. From now on, I am fully supportive of having children on leashes and smacking them in public, because apparently that's the only way some can be handled. I don't even want to start with how unsanitary that is, but you can bet your ass that I found another exit to walk out of. I'm not stepping through or on any kid's piss. No thank you.

13. Spork/Foon-

A hybrid gone wrong... Let me start out by saying, what the hell kind of invention is this? Was there a revolt led by one-armed people to manufacture this poor thought out contraption or something? Also, I honestly don't think it should be called a "spork" or a "foon" because it sounds like it's 50% spoon and 50% fork. If any of you have used this supposed "spork/foon" you would know that it is mostly spoon than fork. Maybe the word "spook" or "fpoon" would be more accurate. The fork part of a spork is maybe one centimeter long. What can you honestly spear with a centimeter long tine?*that's what the pointy things are called I'll tell you...it's nothing. You couldn't even break great grandma's single layer epidermis...believe me, I tried. A spork is the only thing that any fried chicken place offers as a utensil. I don't even know why I try to use it every time, because I always get the same outcome. I attempt to "spear" the chicken off the bone and the tines bend backward and forward. And forget trying to bend them back, they're now so flimsy that it probably would have been better if you had just used a spoon. This might seem trivial to you, but it really gets my blood boiling when inferior products are being distributed. Why don't we just go back to VHS while we're at it? Here's another question... Where in America do you get a spoon and a fork as utensils? Shouldn't it be a knife and a fork? I'm not complaining about the spoon and fork combo because I'm Asian and I for one use the spoon for rice, soup, and.... wait that's beside the point. Shouldn't there be a "knork" or a "foife" some where out there? That makes more sense to me because I use the edge of my fork to cut more than I use a knife. Let's just sharpen the flat edge of our forks and get that patent on our innovation. I'll even split the proceeds with ya, because I'm that nice. Bad news kiddies... I seriously made up the term, "knork," but IT ALREADY EXISTS! Wow...I wonder if the shit I took this morning is on CBS's The Next Great Invention.

14. When people yuck my yum-

I'm sure that many of you have already have heard those words come out of my mouth, but I just want to emphasize how big of a pet-peeve that is. I especially lose patience with people when I find out that they haven't even tried the said food I am about to consume. If I hear the statement, "EWW! You're really going to eat that?!" one more time... I think I might just flip and go off on the poor individual who broke the camel's back. Let's break down this question: Am I really going to eat this? Through a small attempt of a thought process it can take a less than par person to realize that the answer is...yes. What person in their right mind, packs a lunch and is about to take a bite and then answers, "No?" Let me just say one thing, if someone is eating something... do them a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. Last time I checked you didn't need another person's permission to eat your own food. The exception of course is if the time and location is not prime.

Here's something totally off base... Who here has seen someone walking while trying to eat a banana? If you answered yes to this question, please tell me you snickered to yourself. Hehe it looks hilarious/awkward.

15. People who wear winter attire when it is over 100 degrees outside-

I will only show mercy to people who actually need protection from the sun. i.e. Albinos or if it is part of your religious beliefs... Everyone else is shit out of luck. Let's begin. Many of you know that during the summer if temperatures reach a certain high I am prone to Tourette's syndrome. I occasionally look like a crazed person when pouncing between covered and shaded areas. By the end of a hot day, my shirt has transformed into a sticky composition and is permanently stuck to my backside. Let me just tell you, it's not a pretty site. This is why I do not understand how people can be conscience when it is scorching hot outside and are wearing hoodies or thick jackets. To be honest, I'm not a person that sweats a lot, but recently between classes I get an unusual sweat mark on my shirt.... it's from my backpack, so it looks like I have a sweater vest made out of body perspiration...nice. Anyway, if I'm soaking up my t-shirt, I don't even want to imagine what's under that freshman's stupid high school letter jacket. C'mon! I think someone needs to tell these people that they look ridiculous and retarded. Not to mention that this directly coincides with people who have B.O. Gag me. You might be thinking: Hey, maybe they were in a cold building and were too lazy to take off their sweater/jacket between class. I can assure you that this is not the case with these people because (1) I usually see these people just hanging outside and (2) If you're too lazy to take off a sweater/jacket when it's hot outside... God help you. I don't know how you can get anything done...

Bleh, that's it for now my minions. Click --> HERE <-- now!

When it Comes to Food....Kill Me.

PTTAAF 2

Since no one objected to the start of the list...I decided on my own to continue it. On the other hand, no one encouraged the list either...shame on you. Some of you may be absolutely tired of my bitching about things relating to the food/beverage industry and serving....but I really don't care. These list additions are directly related to these subjects, so if this bothers you... Just scroll down to the bottom and leave me a comment about it. hehe

None the less...

Going Out to Eat:


6. When people "help" the server...-

OK this one could go either way. Don't get me wrong I really appreciate it when my customers want to help, but sometimes it ends up being more work and a hassle for me. Exempli gratia:

People like to take all of their napkins and shove them down their cups, ramekins, or bowls as far as they possibly can. Here's a question: How is that helpful in any way? Here's the answer: It's not. I don't know if any of you do this, but let me just acknowledge you that the server is the one who has to throw away your crap. So it's our responsibility to stick our hands down that nasty cup/bowl and fish out your napkin that you used to wipe the barbecue sauce of your disgusting face, while singing the ridiculous baby back rib song... Hey, hate to burst your bubble, but you're not the first person to bring up the stupid song and it has never been funny. Ever.

This one really gets under my skin... Please don't insult your server and grab a pitcher to refill your own drink. When a person does this the server automatically thinks two things: (1) Wow, what a douchebag and (2) Looks like you won't be getting anything else from me, asshole.

Here's something else to add: After finishing a meal, some people like to stack the plates for the server. Even though technically this is ill-mannered and against common etiquette... I for one love it one people stack their plates for me....On one condition: If the way the plates are stacked makes sense. Don't stack a plate that is 12" in diameter on top of a dressings ramekin that is 3" in diameter and is full of ranch...that you insisted to me on getting and then you didn't use the extra ranch at all. Uh, that really makes me angry. No one understands the aspect of materialism. How about we all do each other a favor and not ask for something unless we're absolutely certain we're going to use it or ask for something when we need it? Is that really too hard? Apparently so... Since were on the subject of ranch, let me just say... IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT. My goodness, people snap at you about ranch dressing like it's a cure for AIDS. We should just stop selling ranch two ounces at a time and should just ask if the table wants to include a tub of ranch and a bi-pass surgery to their check. I mean c'mon, we'd be saving both of us time and effort. While we're at it, we should just replace insulin drips with buttermilk ranch, because then people can control the amount of dressing to drown their food with just a press of a button. Wow....I rambled enough about ranch on this one... Let's just make it part of the list.**

6b. When people ask for ranch dressing-

**See the lengthy ramble/bitching above.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand...Stacking dishes in a way that makes a server juggle a leaning tower of plates to the dish pit...makes no sense. And this very situation usually leads to the next thing on my list...

7. When people clap when an employee drops or breaks dishes-

I want to meat the person who started this. And "meat" is not a typo. I seriously want to pummel this person's face with every hard surface of my body. Or maybe I can bash in some of their ribs into their vital organs. I think this would be the beginning for retribution for what this person started. Look, we all know that accidents happen. So an applause is not needed whenever someone screws up. It's not like restaurant employees can do this to customers...

Hypothetical Situation:

ME: "Here you go sir, beef fajitas."

Idiot Customer: "Oh, I ordered beef fajitas?"

Me: "Um, yes sir. I even reminded you that it came with a fajita boat..."

Idiot Customer: "That's right...but aren't fajitas the thing with the meat and cheese on top of chips?"

Me: "I'm sorry sir. Did you mean nachos?"

Idiot Customer: "Oh, yeah. Nachos! That's what I want."

Me: *while silent....just starts clapping*

Idiot Customer: *confused* "Um, what's going on?"

Me: "Oh, I just wanted to congratulate you on being a complete moron. Way to go dumb shit."

---Applause in reverse would go something like this I assume...

8. People who don't know how to tip- *In mini-list form

Some people insist on getting change and then leaves the exact change as a tip- Not only does this stress out a server, but again I can't see the reasoning for this. A simple, "Keep the change" would suffice and save time and effort.

When a person's math is completely wrong in their added credit card tip...obviously the total with the tip can't be lower than the subtotal people!

When a person doesn't know how to tip when using coupons/promotions....you tip before the discount, asshole.

Verbal tips- the all-time trump card to piss off a server. If a person is overly nice to a server, it makes a server uneasy because then they suspect "kindness" as a tip. I don't care how nice you are lady...You telling me how great a server I am, doesn't pay the damn bills. If that were the case I would be a flippin' millionaire. Even if I had a quarter for every time a person thanked and praised me for superior service they received...I'm pretty sure all the stupid Coinstar machines would be overwhelmed with the amount of change I would bring them.

9. When people complain about their food after they eat it all-

Who are these people fooling? Everyone knows that you're just trying to scam out a free meal. Apparently it wasn't that bad because...You chewed and swallowed every bite. This is equivalent to when people have bruises and then repeatedly pokes it while saying, "Oww, this hurts." Stop poking yourself people and stop eating food that tastes bad. No matter how good a server is...they can't read your mind. Just tell them that you didn't care for your order. But be careful...tell them in a nice way...

10. PEOPLE WHO ARE RUDE TO SERVERS-

Everyone knows that you shouldn't be rude to servers because....they handle your food. It would be an easy task for a server to taint your food. Believe me, I've heard some pretty gross stories about what servers do to rude people's orders. Those of you who don't work in the food industry trust me....it is as bad as you think...maybe even worse. I for one could never bring myself to do anything bad to a person's meal, but I'm only one of the few. Don't get me wrong...there were some times where I seriously wanted to and the table probably deserved it, but I could never do it.

Here's a "hypothetical" situation for you:

There's a table that is being completely intolerable and distasteful to a server for no reason at all. Even if there is a reason, servers are people too and do not need to be belittled by anyone. Anyway, thistable ordes BUFFALO CHICKEN CRISPER™ BITES. If you're not savvy with the Chili's menu let me tell you what this item includes, courtesy of the Chili's website: Four mini sandwiches with chicken breaded and fried to perfection then tossed in our spicy wing sauce. Topped with bacon crumbles, lettuce, and bleu cheese dressing and served on sesame seed buns. Served with crispy onion strings and bleu cheese dressing. I know that sounds stupid, but I seriously copy and pasted that shit. Back to the story... Well there's a lot a server could do with this particular item, but the bleu cheese makes it easy. Bleu cheese has a chunky consistency and already tastes sour. So a server could add more chunky sour goodness with a warm hawked loogie. Disgusting I know, but these kind of things happen.... Moral of the story is...

....Always treat the server with courtesy and respect...and tip fat.

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