Da-Douche-da-douche-douche-douche* Should be read in beat of the Thong Song

TAKE A BREAK FROM FINALS!!!!!! And read s'more.

PTTAAF 5*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

I've been neglecting my blog and that makes not only me sad, but I'm sure you all as well.  So let's all have a little pick me up, shall we? 

Here's something obvious to add... DOUCHEBAGS.  Please notice that these PTTAAF additions do not start with "when people..."  Instead these are actual people or "people who do..."  so if you fall into these...chances are that I secretly hate you. 


Speaking of the word "douchebag," I remember someone in middle school said that they were the reason why the word became popular.  And he wasn't just saying popular within our little school, but the whole nation...what an idiot. 

****  

21.  Parking Attendants/Maids 

Why do we pay others to be dickheads?  Every one of you who owns a car, by now should have received some kind of parking ticket or violation.   If not...it's just a matter of time.  I understand that some parking spaces need to be saved for certain people, i.e. the handicapped or employees, but the amount of these "reserved at all times" spaces is too excessive.  

How many handicapped spaces does a place really need?  It seems that every curb is designated to be a handicapped space.  I don't know about you, but I've only seen a few people on campus in wheelchairs and I highly doubt they drive themselves to school. 

22.  People who are on Facebook on computers that are only for academic use.

I will admit that I sometimes use the the computers that are specifically labeled "For research and academic use" to check my e-mail from time to time, but NEVER when someone is waiting.  Unless, of course I didn't notice the person waiting.  When I do see an anxious person waiting I gladly relinquish my seat and offer them my computer.  But, when sitting at an adjacent desk to the computers and see that the person is now having five simultaneous Facebook conversations...I become livid.  Wow, I guess that's not very important at all and you shouldn't of given me dirty looks for using the computer for two seconds to check my e-mail.

What's so great about Facebook anyway?  It's a way to keep in touch with friends and blah, blah, blah.  What the hell ever.  First off, if you can't communicate with "friends" physically or via phone, then you're probably not friends at all, or shouldn't be.  People should stop lying and just admit that Facebook's sole purpose is for people to creep on others' pages that we like or in some cases don't like at all.  Well, in my case I'm sure many of you get harassing messages from me to comment on my blog posts...so that makes me some what of a hypocrite.  The thing is that I could text all of my contacts to comment on my blog, but that is "too much" effort for some to accomplish.  Because one would have to read my text, get on the computer, go on the internet, find my site, read the post, and then comment.  Where as if I mass message people on facebook, I can just include my blogsite link within the message. And since Facebook requires internet access the person would already be online and could just click the link attached to the message and...voilà.  This is a bit of a rationalization...but I know that even this is too much work for some to accomplish.

Well, enough of my Facebook usage schpeel...back to the topic at hand.

I especially hate when I'm the one waiting for a computer and I actually do need to use it for school work...and 90% of the people on the computers are on Facebook, flipping through stupid photo albums of people with their tongues out flashing some kind of stupid hand gesture i.e. "hook 'em horns/rock" sign or the horrid "shocker."  I usually start off waiting patiently, but after five minutes or so I do the nonchalant unnecessary cough or sigh to get someone's attention.  At this point, most not if all of the people on the computers are aware of my impatience and urgency to use a computer...so what do they all do?  Of course, they just turn back to their screens and laugh at themselves with self appreciation of their so called "witty" status.  I always manage to bite my tongue in these situations, but I'm sure some day I'm going to go off.  I'm a ticking time bomb....just wait in see.

23.  Couples who sit next to each other in a booth.

I don't know about you guys, but when I go out with someone I like speaking to them face to face.  If you sit right next to a person, you have to do that awkward  90 degree head turn.  Let's weigh out our options:  (1) sit across a person and be comfortable or (2) sit beside someone with less room and a crick in your neck.... To me the answer seems obvious, but I'm not sure what you guys think.

Not only do these people violate each other's personal space, but they have to constantly be touching each other.  Either the girl's legs are in the guy's lap or their clammy hands are interlocked.  My gosh, we all get that you're together.  If you really wanted to emphasize this, I suggest getting a shirt that says, "I'm with him/her" and has an arrow pointing to the left or right.  Just so that everyone knows.  *Buyer beware*  If you do decide to invest in one of these shirts, I suggest that you pick one with an arrow direction of your liking, because you'll have to stand on the same side of your gf/bf all the time for your stupid shirt to make sense.

Another thing is that when people sit on the same side of one booth, they are staring at an empty seat the whole time.  Now it just looks like wasted space.  If I'm ever hosting and a couple doesn't use the booth appropriately, I'm going to seat another lame love duo across from them.  At least the space wouldn't be wasted.  Productivity prevails.

24.  People who leave their belongings in empty seats when people are standing

When riding on a public transportation vehicle, I believe it is acceptable to put a bag, books, etc in the seat next to you if there is no one wanting to take a seat there. But, if the bus is full of people put your shit in your damn lap.  Why is it so hard for people to act in an appropriate way?  I guess I'll never understand.  All of these things seems so trivial and obvious to me. I'll just leave it at this:  Move your shit.

25. People who are on their phones at inappropriate times

 

Let's just start a sub-list to what I consider unacceptable and inconsiderate

End your damn phone conversation when you're:

• giving your order to a server
• receiving your order 
  
• next in line at a cashier
• at work and it's your job to greet customers
• out with people and are continuously blabbing on the phone in front of them

I'm going to stop here because I could go on forever and I'll leave some points for youse guys to add.

But, I think the one thing that really pushes me over the edge is, when I am unfortunate enough to be the person in the receiving end of this rude gesture and the person on the phone gives me the universal one pointer finger to the face that indicates, "just one minute."  Oh, how I hate this.  For one, it instantly gives me the desire to break off your damn index finger and shove it down your esophagus causing an obstruction to the airway to your lungs.  And I hope to my homeboy, Jesus, that this leads to asphyxia and then to hypoxia.  Yeah, you better believe that my words are serious, because I don't think you'll want the random weird nasally guy with probable HINI infection to attempt the Heimlich Maneuver on you.  Well, hey it's your own choice.

FIN

Again, my apologize for the somewhat blog sabbatical.  Then again, not one person added a comment or suggestion.  NOT ONE!  You know what?  I have one more...

26.  People who read my blog posts and do not comment

You know who you are...and I know that people visit my page without commenting because there is a nifty visitor counter on my right panel of my blog.  So, yeah I need documented love to my page, not just verbal.  I'm going to just throw this out there, but...  I self-consciously rate my friendships by comment frequency.  Just a little FYI for people out there.  So, to spell it out to you...the more you comment the more I'll probably like you.  And, if you don't comment at all....well, I probably hold a deep grudge buried within my soul against you.  So.... no biggie.

One more thing....Where the hell did 2009 go?

Click --> HERE <-- if you want to be my friend.  

I suck.

I haven't written a post in over a month.  My apologizes...I've been neglecting my blog and that makes me sad.  School blows... More PTTAAF to come soon.  Also, I'm open for topic suggestions.  

A Constant Reminder

PTTAAF 4*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

Quick question... If an escalator is broken, it turns into stairs, right?  Right...So, what's the policy on going up a "broken escalator" that usually descends and vice versa?  I guess if you have no knowledge to the original direction of the escalator when it was functioning..... you get a pass to walk up the newly transformed stairs?  Scratch that...I don't think that made any sense.  Instead of being philosophical...I'll just stick to things I have talent for...like bitching.

Hajimemashou!! <--- That means "let's start" in Japanese.  Hey, now you can say you learned something today....unless you already knew that...

Back to Basics

I've already scratched the surface of etiquette in one of my older posts: The American Demise* - The Deterioration of Human Propriety  But, I'd like to add s'more sub-points to this topic.  I think that politeness and intellect have a positive or direct relationship.  Well, this is probably not true...because usually the southern population is nicer than the northern.... And Southerners tend to be on the less educated side...I'll emphasize that this is my opinion, because the ruder the person is the more likely I think they are an incompetent piece of shit. 

16.  When people stop right in front of where the escalator ends

OK... let me calm down for a second.  *Exhales*  First off, typically there are people behind you on an escalator so if you stop in front of constantly moving stairs....the person behind you is going to run your ass over.  Let's just do a little role playing shall we?

So picture a full escalator with a person at every other step.  Let's say that the escalator is going down and is only wide enough for a single passenger per step ... Imagine that the person at the very bottom of the escalator stops abruptly when stepping off of the escalator.  Does anyone see a problem here?  The only option the person behind this dumb shit has, is to either attempt to back up and cause a reverse domino effect or to plow through that stupid person who stopped in the middle of a moving staircase to start texting another idiotic friend.  I vote shove the moron over and then step to the side of the escalator so each of the descending passengers can give you a high five.

Also, I like having my own person space.  The imaginary bubble that I live in and dislike wholeheartedly if someone bursts it.  I'm assuming everyone has their own bubble and the size of this bubble varies.  Anyway, here's a few questions:  Why do some people insist on being on the step right behind you?  Do they really like ass in their face while automatically inclining?  If this is the case, I suggest pleasing their peculiar philia and let out a well deserved flatulence.  What more can they want?  Now they not only get to see ass, but taste it.

17.  When people ignore you when you say, "Excuse me."

At all times, I try to be as courteous and polite as possible.  My best efforts are put forth in to remembering to say, "please" and "thank you" whenever necessary.  Most of these gestures are ignored, but "excuse me" needs to be heard and reacted to.  If there's a hallway I need to get through and it is packed with people, I usually try to snake my way through while excusing myself.  But, sometimes there isn't enough space for a three dimensional person to fit through.  When this happens, the situation should play out something like this:

Me:  "Oh, excuse me.  I need to get by you."

Sane person:  "Oh, OK.  No problem."  (and moves out of the way)

Me:  "Thank you very much."

Nice right?  Quick and easy, but this is what usually occurs:

Me:  "Oh, excuse me.  I need to get by you."

Moron:  ..... (just looks at me and turns back around)

Me: "Um...ok." (Now squeezes my way through)

Moron:  (gives me an ugly look while I'm passing by)

Me:  *whispering under my breath*  "Fucking idiot..."

I don't know about you.....but situation number one looks like a winner. 

18. When people sit at the end of a row instead of moving toward the center or all the way down

This especially pisses me off on campus because the rows/aisles are so narrow.  People have two choices:  (1)  An ass in their face (2) A pelvis in their face  Neither one of these sound appealing to me.  The easiest solution is to just move all the way down so that new comers can be easily seated.  All of you know that things aren't done in a way that are sensible...so that means that most people who first walk into a room pick the end seats.  When you have to get by these people what happens?  They do that whole deal where they move their legs to one side to let you through.  This is never enough room to pass by.  When people lunge over other's knees it looks as if they're practically sitting in their laps.  That or they're getting a free lap dance before the bell rings.  I guess it all depends on how you look at it. 

19.  Going to Wal-Mart when there are a lot of idiots present...Oh, wait that's all of the time. Let me rephrase:  Going to Wal-Mart

     A.  When people leave their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle

First of all, the only time I go to Wal-Mart now is to grab a few items for cooking or whatever; but in high school, Wal-Mart was equivalent to a theme park.  Sadly, this is one of many downsides from living in a small town.  Anyway, the point I'm getting at is that going to Wal-Mart is a quick in and out kind of deal, no smoozing  around.  That means no cart, just a hand blue carry basket.  So, when I'm only taking up my body's physical space in an aisle along with my basket, I expect the other customers to be as considerate with their cart.  Of course this isn't the case.  I seem to be always caught  in the middle of an aisle because to my right there's a lady who left her kid buckled to the cart to snag her third helping of Activia from a sample table, and to my left is an old lady with a cart full of cat or probably in her case geriatric food. So, what's the solution when you're trapped between two carts in an aisle?  I for one do not know the answer, but one would think it is to just scooch over a cart to free myself from the confinement in front of canned liverwurst and Spam.... But, NO! If you move someone's cart one centimeter...actually no, if you even touch another person's cart they flip out.  Look, I'm not trying to steal your snot nosed baby, you're the one that got yourself preggers so that's your problem.  And my other option, Cat Lady?  Well, I wouldn't want to mess with her because it's only down hill for her since Chef Boyar-Meow Mix is what's for dinner.  You might ask, "Well, what the hell do you do in this situation?"  Well personally, I release an exhale that I make sure gets noticed, and then I cross my arms and just wait for one of them to move out of my way.  I know this sounds ridiculously passive aggressive, but believe me that sigh will pierce their little hearts....or piss 'em off....Either way you're golden.

     B.  The "express" line

"Express" is in quotation marks because it's a pseudo word Wal-Mart likes to use to deceive customers.  It's almost a joke actually.  Because on every occasion that I stand in that supposed "express" line, I am stuck behind the slowest people alive, or the "speedy" checker is a frail old lady who is frightened by the new 20 and 50 dollar bills. The funniest part of these lines is that there's an "item limit."  I'm not sure if people don't know how to read, or if they're just that inconsiderate....but that "15 items or less" sign is never obliged.  There's always a woman in line that probably just got her welfare/unemployment check and has just raided all of Wal-Mart's aisles.   And of course this woman is in front of me in the "express lane," and I only have a bag of chips and some chewing gum.  D'ya think she was courteous enough to let me check out before her?  Before you answer "yes," let me just remind you that she's probably an unemployed mother of 10 and has been supported by the government since she lost her last permanent tooth.  Of course the answer is NO! That's just one scenario.

  Let me just list some others that I've been lucky enough to experience in the express line:

• When the person in front of me pays with all coins.  I have no problem with paying with coins, but your math skills have to be at least par to 1st grade for this.  And trust me, these people play with a handicap in math.
• When the customer and the cashier are having a long conversation and there is obviously a line forming.
• When you're waiting in line and then when you finally get to the front, the cashier turns off the register light.*  *Indicating that his/her register is closed.
  
• When the person checks out and doesn't have money for all of their items.  I understand that sometimes you can be a few dollars short, but don't go shopping with twenty bucks and fill up your cart with 50 bags of Cheetos or whatever and then get surprised that you don't have enough money.  The worst part is that these people cannot estimate the amount of money needed.  So they'll tell the cashier to take off one item at a time to see if they can afford it.....Uh, I swear the next time I'm behind a person like this I'm going to flip. 

I'm sure there are many more, but I should stop before I go into another anger outburst.  Anyway, I'm not sure if every person encounters these problems, but I for one always do.  I've come to terms that I am indeed an idiot magnet.  I've just accepted this fact, but luckily being an idiot magnet is good for you.  Because what else could I blog about?  I think I'll just stick to what I'm good at....which is of course bitching and moaning. 

     C.  The Self-Check Out

When this came out I was excited because it seemed like it would solve some of my Wal-Mart line discrepancies.  *Sigh*  Once more it's just another let down.  People are just too incompetent for self checkout. I thought that putting a barcode to a scanner wouldn't take much brain activity, but I guess it does.  Self checkout I guess is the poor man's sudoko.  I won't get into this one with much detail, but I'm sure you can imagine what occurrences could happen.  I mean if you let people do someone else's job on their own....you know that this is a guaranteed head throb.

That was a lot on Wal-Mart...my apologies.

20.  When people with umbrellas walk under covered walkways

I've already established in Free Car Wash that I never have an umbrella when it rains.  Today I was trying to walk under some of the few covered walkways on the Drag, but was bombarded with all of the people who had umbrellas.  Since I'm trying not to get wet I should have the right of way under the covered walkway.  Sheesh... they already have an umbrella and that takes up most of the sidewalk.  I mean people don't keep their umbrellas open when they go through buildings...what's the difference here?  When I was walking today it was as if the sidewalk was an obstacle course and I had to duck and maneuver myself out of harms way from the sharp and jagged metal points of the umbrellas.  I should have just crouched low enough to stay under all of the umbrellas, but that would have been too much effort.  My sis was smarter about it.  She just swatted away the umbrellas like flies. 

You should all know the drill by now... Click -->HERE <---

Alex, I'll take Potpourri for 400 Please

School has started once again...*sigh* I hope everyone's break was relaxing and enjoyable. I for one can count the things I did during summer break on one hand... worked and watched movies.... and went on that family vacation. Anyway, the stresses of classes will commence soon and that will give me another thing to bitch about. Speaking of bitching... let's get to it, shall we?

PTTAAF 3*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

Random Sightings:

11. When people bring their children to the movies-

I know that getting a babysitter in times of need is sometimes difficult, but my goodness... I don't think that bringing a five month old teething baby to a theater with hundreds of other people is a good idea. I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I figure that a dark room full of strangers wanting to watch a movie they paid about ten bucks to see on an opening weekend doesn't want some stupid kid (who got in for free) to ruin it by their loud and obnoxious cries. If you ask me... children should pay a higher premium to go out to public places...that way adults are discouraged to bring them. And don't get mad at me...it's just a suggestion. If you ever had to clean up after someone else's kid, I think you'd agree with me on this one. I don't know how many times I had to sweep up those damn Gerber Graduates star shaped snacks, but c'mon people! If you do decide to bring your 'only cute to you' child out...do everyone a favor and clean up after your own damn kid. Sheesh...

12. Public Urination-

I didn't think that I actually had to put this on here because I think it's obvious that this act shouldn't be done... So why am I putting this on here now? Because I was having lunch with my sister and this kid about six or seven years old pops open the door and starts pissing on the sidewalk. I was appalled because his mother and her friend just watched him do this disgusting deed. I think I was staring with my jaw open and I was so shocked that I think my Asian eyes were so wide that they probably looked like regular sized ones. From now on, I am fully supportive of having children on leashes and smacking them in public, because apparently that's the only way some can be handled. I don't even want to start with how unsanitary that is, but you can bet your ass that I found another exit to walk out of. I'm not stepping through or on any kid's piss. No thank you.

13. Spork/Foon-

A hybrid gone wrong... Let me start out by saying, what the hell kind of invention is this? Was there a revolt led by one-armed people to manufacture this poor thought out contraption or something? Also, I honestly don't think it should be called a "spork" or a "foon" because it sounds like it's 50% spoon and 50% fork. If any of you have used this supposed "spork/foon" you would know that it is mostly spoon than fork. Maybe the word "spook" or "fpoon" would be more accurate. The fork part of a spork is maybe one centimeter long. What can you honestly spear with a centimeter long tine?*that's what the pointy things are called I'll tell you...it's nothing. You couldn't even break great grandma's single layer epidermis...believe me, I tried. A spork is the only thing that any fried chicken place offers as a utensil. I don't even know why I try to use it every time, because I always get the same outcome. I attempt to "spear" the chicken off the bone and the tines bend backward and forward. And forget trying to bend them back, they're now so flimsy that it probably would have been better if you had just used a spoon. This might seem trivial to you, but it really gets my blood boiling when inferior products are being distributed. Why don't we just go back to VHS while we're at it? Here's another question... Where in America do you get a spoon and a fork as utensils? Shouldn't it be a knife and a fork? I'm not complaining about the spoon and fork combo because I'm Asian and I for one use the spoon for rice, soup, and.... wait that's beside the point. Shouldn't there be a "knork" or a "foife" some where out there? That makes more sense to me because I use the edge of my fork to cut more than I use a knife. Let's just sharpen the flat edge of our forks and get that patent on our innovation. I'll even split the proceeds with ya, because I'm that nice. Bad news kiddies... I seriously made up the term, "knork," but IT ALREADY EXISTS! Wow...I wonder if the shit I took this morning is on CBS's The Next Great Invention.

14. When people yuck my yum-

I'm sure that many of you have already have heard those words come out of my mouth, but I just want to emphasize how big of a pet-peeve that is. I especially lose patience with people when I find out that they haven't even tried the said food I am about to consume. If I hear the statement, "EWW! You're really going to eat that?!" one more time... I think I might just flip and go off on the poor individual who broke the camel's back. Let's break down this question: Am I really going to eat this? Through a small attempt of a thought process it can take a less than par person to realize that the answer is...yes. What person in their right mind, packs a lunch and is about to take a bite and then answers, "No?" Let me just say one thing, if someone is eating something... do them a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. Last time I checked you didn't need another person's permission to eat your own food. The exception of course is if the time and location is not prime.

Here's something totally off base... Who here has seen someone walking while trying to eat a banana? If you answered yes to this question, please tell me you snickered to yourself. Hehe it looks hilarious/awkward.

15. People who wear winter attire when it is over 100 degrees outside-

I will only show mercy to people who actually need protection from the sun. i.e. Albinos or if it is part of your religious beliefs... Everyone else is shit out of luck. Let's begin. Many of you know that during the summer if temperatures reach a certain high I am prone to Tourette's syndrome. I occasionally look like a crazed person when pouncing between covered and shaded areas. By the end of a hot day, my shirt has transformed into a sticky composition and is permanently stuck to my backside. Let me just tell you, it's not a pretty site. This is why I do not understand how people can be conscience when it is scorching hot outside and are wearing hoodies or thick jackets. To be honest, I'm not a person that sweats a lot, but recently between classes I get an unusual sweat mark on my shirt.... it's from my backpack, so it looks like I have a sweater vest made out of body perspiration...nice. Anyway, if I'm soaking up my t-shirt, I don't even want to imagine what's under that freshman's stupid high school letter jacket. C'mon! I think someone needs to tell these people that they look ridiculous and retarded. Not to mention that this directly coincides with people who have B.O. Gag me. You might be thinking: Hey, maybe they were in a cold building and were too lazy to take off their sweater/jacket between class. I can assure you that this is not the case with these people because (1) I usually see these people just hanging outside and (2) If you're too lazy to take off a sweater/jacket when it's hot outside... God help you. I don't know how you can get anything done...

Bleh, that's it for now my minions. Click --> HERE <-- now!

When it Comes to Food....Kill Me.

PTTAAF 2

Since no one objected to the start of the list...I decided on my own to continue it. On the other hand, no one encouraged the list either...shame on you. Some of you may be absolutely tired of my bitching about things relating to the food/beverage industry and serving....but I really don't care. These list additions are directly related to these subjects, so if this bothers you... Just scroll down to the bottom and leave me a comment about it. hehe

None the less...

Going Out to Eat:


6. When people "help" the server...-

OK this one could go either way. Don't get me wrong I really appreciate it when my customers want to help, but sometimes it ends up being more work and a hassle for me. Exempli gratia:

People like to take all of their napkins and shove them down their cups, ramekins, or bowls as far as they possibly can. Here's a question: How is that helpful in any way? Here's the answer: It's not. I don't know if any of you do this, but let me just acknowledge you that the server is the one who has to throw away your crap. So it's our responsibility to stick our hands down that nasty cup/bowl and fish out your napkin that you used to wipe the barbecue sauce of your disgusting face, while singing the ridiculous baby back rib song... Hey, hate to burst your bubble, but you're not the first person to bring up the stupid song and it has never been funny. Ever.

This one really gets under my skin... Please don't insult your server and grab a pitcher to refill your own drink. When a person does this the server automatically thinks two things: (1) Wow, what a douchebag and (2) Looks like you won't be getting anything else from me, asshole.

Here's something else to add: After finishing a meal, some people like to stack the plates for the server. Even though technically this is ill-mannered and against common etiquette... I for one love it one people stack their plates for me....On one condition: If the way the plates are stacked makes sense. Don't stack a plate that is 12" in diameter on top of a dressings ramekin that is 3" in diameter and is full of ranch...that you insisted to me on getting and then you didn't use the extra ranch at all. Uh, that really makes me angry. No one understands the aspect of materialism. How about we all do each other a favor and not ask for something unless we're absolutely certain we're going to use it or ask for something when we need it? Is that really too hard? Apparently so... Since were on the subject of ranch, let me just say... IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT. My goodness, people snap at you about ranch dressing like it's a cure for AIDS. We should just stop selling ranch two ounces at a time and should just ask if the table wants to include a tub of ranch and a bi-pass surgery to their check. I mean c'mon, we'd be saving both of us time and effort. While we're at it, we should just replace insulin drips with buttermilk ranch, because then people can control the amount of dressing to drown their food with just a press of a button. Wow....I rambled enough about ranch on this one... Let's just make it part of the list.**

6b. When people ask for ranch dressing-

**See the lengthy ramble/bitching above.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand...Stacking dishes in a way that makes a server juggle a leaning tower of plates to the dish pit...makes no sense. And this very situation usually leads to the next thing on my list...

7. When people clap when an employee drops or breaks dishes-

I want to meat the person who started this. And "meat" is not a typo. I seriously want to pummel this person's face with every hard surface of my body. Or maybe I can bash in some of their ribs into their vital organs. I think this would be the beginning for retribution for what this person started. Look, we all know that accidents happen. So an applause is not needed whenever someone screws up. It's not like restaurant employees can do this to customers...

Hypothetical Situation:

ME: "Here you go sir, beef fajitas."

Idiot Customer: "Oh, I ordered beef fajitas?"

Me: "Um, yes sir. I even reminded you that it came with a fajita boat..."

Idiot Customer: "That's right...but aren't fajitas the thing with the meat and cheese on top of chips?"

Me: "I'm sorry sir. Did you mean nachos?"

Idiot Customer: "Oh, yeah. Nachos! That's what I want."

Me: *while silent....just starts clapping*

Idiot Customer: *confused* "Um, what's going on?"

Me: "Oh, I just wanted to congratulate you on being a complete moron. Way to go dumb shit."

---Applause in reverse would go something like this I assume...

8. People who don't know how to tip- *In mini-list form

Some people insist on getting change and then leaves the exact change as a tip- Not only does this stress out a server, but again I can't see the reasoning for this. A simple, "Keep the change" would suffice and save time and effort.

When a person's math is completely wrong in their added credit card tip...obviously the total with the tip can't be lower than the subtotal people!

When a person doesn't know how to tip when using coupons/promotions....you tip before the discount, asshole.

Verbal tips- the all-time trump card to piss off a server. If a person is overly nice to a server, it makes a server uneasy because then they suspect "kindness" as a tip. I don't care how nice you are lady...You telling me how great a server I am, doesn't pay the damn bills. If that were the case I would be a flippin' millionaire. Even if I had a quarter for every time a person thanked and praised me for superior service they received...I'm pretty sure all the stupid Coinstar machines would be overwhelmed with the amount of change I would bring them.

9. When people complain about their food after they eat it all-

Who are these people fooling? Everyone knows that you're just trying to scam out a free meal. Apparently it wasn't that bad because...You chewed and swallowed every bite. This is equivalent to when people have bruises and then repeatedly pokes it while saying, "Oww, this hurts." Stop poking yourself people and stop eating food that tastes bad. No matter how good a server is...they can't read your mind. Just tell them that you didn't care for your order. But be careful...tell them in a nice way...

10. PEOPLE WHO ARE RUDE TO SERVERS-

Everyone knows that you shouldn't be rude to servers because....they handle your food. It would be an easy task for a server to taint your food. Believe me, I've heard some pretty gross stories about what servers do to rude people's orders. Those of you who don't work in the food industry trust me....it is as bad as you think...maybe even worse. I for one could never bring myself to do anything bad to a person's meal, but I'm only one of the few. Don't get me wrong...there were some times where I seriously wanted to and the table probably deserved it, but I could never do it.

Here's a "hypothetical" situation for you:

There's a table that is being completely intolerable and distasteful to a server for no reason at all. Even if there is a reason, servers are people too and do not need to be belittled by anyone. Anyway, thistable ordes BUFFALO CHICKEN CRISPER™ BITES. If you're not savvy with the Chili's menu let me tell you what this item includes, courtesy of the Chili's website: Four mini sandwiches with chicken breaded and fried to perfection then tossed in our spicy wing sauce. Topped with bacon crumbles, lettuce, and bleu cheese dressing and served on sesame seed buns. Served with crispy onion strings and bleu cheese dressing. I know that sounds stupid, but I seriously copy and pasted that shit. Back to the story... Well there's a lot a server could do with this particular item, but the bleu cheese makes it easy. Bleu cheese has a chunky consistency and already tastes sour. So a server could add more chunky sour goodness with a warm hawked loogie. Disgusting I know, but these kind of things happen.... Moral of the story is...

....Always treat the server with courtesy and respect...and tip fat.

Click HERE to make my day. Thank you.

The Pilot: Save or Sink?

PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING
AKA P/T TA A/F*

*pronounced \ˈpit-taf\

Part I: Inspiration from a "Family Vacation"

So many of you already know that I was on a "family vacation" for about a week in Florida. I put that in quotes because I truly believe that these words should never go together...

Supposedly the whole Orlando-Disney World/ Universal Studios package is commonly described as a "dream vacation." But, this past week I have struggled to find one event to be associated with a good dream.

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Orlando, Florida is mostly a retirement/tourist area, so there are tons of people. And what does tons of people mean? --It means an intolerable migraine for me, but an enjoyable blog post for you.

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The Road Trip:

OK first and foremost, make sure if you ever go on a road trip to make sure that the people you go with are tolerable... I went with my parents and my two younger cousins. *sigh* Let's not talk about them, because I might pull out every strand of hair out of my head...and I can't afford Bosley Hair Restoration... So, let me just complain about everyone else besides my family.

1. People who drive slow on the left/fast lane- Why is it that some drivers insist on driving the exact same speed as the car in the right lane? This royally pisses me off because people apparently cannot comprehend this sign:


Maybe it's the caps that messes people up.... Caps usually indicates yelling or shouting, so maybe people are not submissive to authority... Whatever the reason, here's the bottom line: Get over!

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A day at the amusement park:

During my time spent in Florida the weather can be described as many things, but only one thing comes to mind...hot. Even though it is natural for people to sweat due to the heat, I still believe that people should understand how to keep their hygiene in check...

2. People who have unbearable body odor- C'mon people is deodorant and/or anti-perspiration really too much to ask for?

I understand that when doing strenuous activities or being out in the sun leads to sweat and sometimes sweat leads to odor. But, there is a line between a natural odor to foul stank! If a person walks by and it causes another person to grimace...I'm sorry, but that's disgusting. And with all of my luck, I seem to always be in line behind these said people. It's true that after time one gets used to the smell, but with just a little breeze of air or wind... that pungent smell comes right back. I seriously almost passed out after 25 minutes of standing in line. The biggest shocker is that these people have no knowledge to the stench they are passing to my nostrils. If you think I am an oblivious scent pollutant, PLEASE TELL ME....So I can scorch my skin to scar close all of my pores...

3. People who hold hands in high-traffic/volume areas- The whole "couples" thing is cute and all, but it is not necessary to stay attached 24 hours of the day.


I mean loads of cash is spent to separate Siamese/conjoined twins, so I think letting go of your girl/boyfriend's clammy hand for 2 seconds won't cause a spontaneous combustion. With the thousands of people at Disney each day, when people hold hands the whole time, it really turns into an inconvenience. One reason being that, they expect you to go around them. This gets annoying fast, because who decided that two people with embraced hands have precedence over one person for space? Is this written somewhere? Because if not, I'm going to start playing Red Rover every chance I get. Well, at least those couples will have a random story to tell when they return home. It might go something like this: "It was our last day at Disney World, and we were just strolling through the park holding hands....Then suddenly, this random Asian girl charged at us and came between us and started laughing hysterically while pumping her hands in the air saying, "I win, I win." That wasn't even the strangest part.... The weird thing was that she didn't have some kind of Oriental accent..."

Oh, burn... damn society's stereotypes... I can never win, not even in my own fictional blog-story... Let's move on shall we?

4. People who cut in line- Lots of people + few popular attractions = long-ass lines.

Waiting in line may be a pain, but I think it's fair. You wait your ass in line or pay extra for some sort of "fast pass." I don't know about youse guys, but I refuse to pay to jump a line. So, first come, means first served right? Wrong. There always has to be those idiots who have to ruin it by cutting in line. Surprisingly, when this occurs usually people tend not to say anything to them. But, tight lips is not one of my father's traits. I'd like to think of myself of having a pretty level head, and if something bothers me I tend to politely ask someone to not do something or I bury it inside until it irritates the hell out of me and I blow...haha either way when the occurrence originally happens, I don't yell at anyone. My dad on the other hand, I think likes to yell aimlessly at people every chance he gets. He has a loud voice and can be scary, but I don't think anything he says while yelling is understandable... There was a group of teenage boys who attempted to cut in line in front of us and this is what I made out of what my father said to them, "Aye yai yai! Hey! rrrrrgggrrr You!....This is the line! rrggeeerrrrgggeekajfairu NO CUTS!!! brraaahhhhgaaarrrr. GO!" ....give or take a few words... Anyway, it apparently is effective, because the boys got wide-eyed and left. My father did a little laugh of self-accomplishment and I just shook my head while we scooched up 3 feet in line. Oh, dad...you're such a good role model.

Here's another goody about my pop... Remember how I stated in a previous post that my dad is a "funny guy?" Well, he thinks it's hilarious to memorize where the cameras take your picture during a ride and then the next time he rides it, he flashes "the bird." Thanks to my father, the goofy kid riding on the same train can't spend 10 bucks on a key chain sized pic of him/her with their eyes closed shut. Classy....

5. When people don't walk on moving walkways- The key word here is, "walkway."

This should immediately indicate that you indeed walk on a walkway... The only exception to this of course is if you have an inability to walk, and if this is the case then please move off to one side and hold on to the rail while moving negative 5 miles an hour. This is directly related to how people drive slow in the fast lane, except this is with walking or not walking. How can people decide to stand on a conveyor belt? These people must have all the time in the world to just stand around. How do they get anywhere? Ironically, I bet these same people are the ones who never have time to take 2 seconds to flush a toilet.

*****

So, this was the first of my P/T TA A/F list.... What do you all think? Should I continue on this post?

Tell me your thoughts by clicking HERE.

The Month Ode to the Guy Brutus Thinks is Douche contents...

Speaking of douche contents..... Let me just fill you in on my latest government instructor. I'm not going to say that I'm a racist, because I'm not. First, let's define the term racism. According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary racism is 1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race 2 : racial prejudice or discrimination. OK definition 1, I do not believe that the Filipino race is superior to a particular race...by far. Number two, this is a little iffy because I believe that every person has a particular prejudice or discrimination toward a certain race. Let's break down some examples:

1) Inter-racial relationships: There are many combination between races and the most common one's I have seen are these two scenarios: White girl/black guy or Asian girl/ white guy. Notice the genders because if you reverse them, the frequency trend drops tremendously.

2) Stereotypes: Obviously these still exist because there is a bit of truth in some cases. For instance being a server, I still complain at the site of certain races and individuals... I know, I know this is horrible, but from my experience no matter how great the service, you rarely receive the incentive deserved. Even though, this is usually the case, I can not give anyone bad service on purpose, because I know there are a selected few that deviate from this trend....me being one of them. I know I must not look like the best tipper, so I always keep that in mind.

I can think of a number other examples...but I'll let you brainstorm on your own because I know race is a touchy subject. Let's just keep our own inner thoughts and opinions in our minds where they belong, shall we?

With all of this in mind, I just wanted to point out that I believe I understand the meaning of racism and I would like to think I can point out a racist when I see one.

*************************

So, if you haven't guessed already this subject ties in with my government instructor. The most ironic thing is that he consistently speaks of equality and civil rights (and yada yada I think we all get the gist of the subject) but in actuality, he is the one that does not promote equality by abusing his authority on his students. Take a gander at this e-mail I sent to the dean of students, assistant dean of students, the social science department head, and the government department head:

To whom this may concern:

I'm not exactly sure who to contact for information regarding my concerns about a course and an instructor, but I was given these e-mail addresses to contact about my situation. As of right now, I will not disclose any names regarding these incidents because I want to first be fully informed.

Currently, I'm enrolled in a course, and I feel like the instructor may be treating students unfairly. For example, in the syllabus it clearly states: "Two (2) absences are the allowed limit (regardless of the reason). Three (3) or more unexcused absences will result in the student being dropped from the course. Late arrivals and early departures require a signature and time on the late/early sheet, on instructor's desk, or will be marked/modified as absent. A late arrival and/or early departure will be rounded to a 1/3, 1/2(,) or full absence." It is to my understanding that yes, attendance is crucial to learning; but according to the syllabus, hypothetically, a student may either be absent for 2 days or be late up to 6 times if rounded to 1/3 of an absence each time "regardless of reason." But in reality, each time a student is absent or late, the instructor emphasizes the problem and now does not allow admittance into the classroom at all if a student is even one minute late. The door is locked, and a sign that says, "Class has begun. Do not enter" is taped to the door. This very act goes against what the syllabus says, and it is unfair to students that are still in compliance to the syllabus. I wanted to know if an instructor can go against their own syllabus and forbid students to enter a classroom.

Proper classroom conduct should be common sense, but some people's standards differ. The syllabus states that "no hostile, rude or, otherwise, disrespectful behavior towards instructor or fellow students will be tolerated. A student will be directed to counseling and/or dropped from the class for behavioral infractions." I truly understand these statements, but nowhere does it state that a student will be evicted from class during instruction. To my understanding, the "warning" is to "be directed to counseling." I would hope that this would be in a proper fashion which would not add to distraction in class; but in my opinion, this is not the case. I do not believe that asking another student a question, or jotting down a reminder for assignment for another class during a video can be equivalent to "hostile, rude or, otherwise, disrespectful behavior" and should not lead to being kicked out of the classroom. It seems more appropriate to quietly remind the students to not converse during a video and to put everything away, instead of making a scene by making students pack up their things and leave the classroom. These distractions are worse.

Another concern of mine is related to assignments. Assignments are to be of "college level standards," but the instructor has said that work cited pages are not needed because he/she knows where the information comes from and knows whether or not if it is copied or pasted from the internet. But when a student wanted to "make sure" if a common work cited page was necessary for a written assignment, the instructor scolded said student and said, "Don't make sure. Just listen." I think it's ironic because much emphasis is gone toward how this is an introductory course and that most of the students are fairly new to the college course level scene, but leniency is rarely given. For the most current assignment, a plot summary on the political issues of a movie was assigned. Students were given a choice between V for Vendetta or Good Night, and Good Luck. Again, a source page was not needed, but this time a receipt for the rental of these movies was required. When asked "What if you have the movie?" or "What if we borrow the movie from a friend?," the only reply was to "Rent it." I know I cannot speak as one voice for the whole class, but it seems unfair to me because I know that not every student has economic means to be forced to rent a video. This very act may seem a little minuscule, but just the principle of being forced to pay for something when it is not necessary seems a bit harsh and somewhat vindictive for no apparent reason. The only reason the students were given for this was that this is a way to ensure a summary was not plagiarized from the internet and that it was insurance that the movies were actually watched. For one, I don't see how a rental receipt can verify either act because it just shows that a person rented a film, not that they have watched it. Another thing is that the instructor's very reason for not wanting work cited pages was that he/she already knows where the information is coming from; and if this is true, then this said "insurance" or receipt is not necessary, since it is all knowing.

Each student is given academic freedom, and this is also included in the syllabus. It states that "students may not only disagree with each other at times, but the students and instructor may also find that they have disparate views on sensitive and volatile topics." It is true that not every person can think on the exact same wave length; but according to a student's academic freedom, it should be a student's right to have their own personal opinion. If a topic is brought up in class, the instructor fully includes his/her viewpoint. But if a student attempts to oppose the instructor's way of thinking, the instructor is quick to say that the student is not as well-educated as him/her, that what he/she is saying is not "bullshit," and if you do not believe his/her opinion, "you can Google it." And for this very reason, fewer students desire to voice their beliefs in the classroom.

These are just a few examples, but the structure of the course does not seem solid and the class environment is anything but pleasant. It's as if students are being forced to walk on egg shells because one does not know what will not please the instructor. I know it is a student's responsibility for their own success for a course, but I also believe that an instructor should be there to help guide a student in the right direction. I bring up these issues because I know that there is some kind of problem in the classroom because I'm a senior at UT, and I've never encountered a problem like this before in my whole college career. I think it is too difficult and almost impossible to learn in a classroom if the student dreads being present. There are many other students who share my same concerns about this course and instructor. We just want to know how much authority can be taken when it comes to our education.

Thank you for your time.

The funniest part about this is that I sent this before I received my assignment back and turns out that some of my concerns were valid... I stated,

"I don't see how a rental receipt can verify either act because it just shows that a person rented a film, not that they have watched it. Another thing is that the instructor's very reason for not wanting work cited pages was that he/she already knows where the information is coming from; and if this is true, then this said "insurance" or receipt is not necessary, since it is all knowing."

My very assignment was returned with a docked grade and a written note saying, "Most if not all of this assignment sounds like it came directly from a professional website." WTF? I thought that he knew where everything came from? If he did, he would know that my assignment contents can not be found anywhere on the damn internet. Apparently, I was being punished because my writing is too good and professional sounding. This guy makes me sick, but he has inspired me to start a brand new thread on my blog. ****

***PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING***

I will add specific topics to this thread in future posts and we'll see how things pans out....

Click HERE and tell me your thoughts.

Southern Hospitality

Long time no blog, eh kiddies? I do apologize, but I've been busy with finals, vacation, work, and junk. I know, I know they're just excuses, but the plus side is that... I'm back, right?

*****

Moving onward.... I'm just going to skip the bitching about finals and final projects because I want to put it all behind me. It was a big and complicated ordeal that I want to forget. So, I'll just end that subject with these four words: (1) final (2) projects (3) are (4) stupid...

*****

So, most of you already know that Mel and I went on a week vacation to the East coast area. We went to New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and of course New York. It was a lot of fun, but it seriously went by way too fast. We got to visit some family and I met up with an old friend, Jonah, and site see. Overall the trip was a success. Surprisingly, my mother did let us have a vacation on our own. It may be the last one...but I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Even though, up East is a lot of fun and the weather is fairly cooler than the South, there were some downsides....

Number 1: Traffic- OK. So I thought I-35 in Austin was unbearable, try waiting in traffic for hours and then every few miles pay a ridiculous toll. Yeah, that will get your blood boiling. Oh, and a word of advice...Don't EVER drive in Boston. It was by far one of the worst transportation experiences in my life. If I could choose between walking 20 miles versus driving 5 in Boston...I'd gladly tie up my Nikes because F that place.

Number 2: Politeness- If you're an avid follower of my blog you have already read my post about etiquette. If not you can take a gander by clicking --> here. Anyway, I didn't appreciate Southern hospitality as much as I do now until our East coast trip. So, apparently I was wrong in assuming that workers such as food industry employees should at least acknowledge you when you arrive at an establishment.... I stand corrected. Just one example is when Mel and I went to McDonald's to grab something quick I stood in line to order and when it was my turn, I politely waited to be "called on" to order. Maybe a, "Hi, may I take your order?" or a, "Are you ready?" Nope nothing. So, I just waited in front of the cashier for a good few minutes and she just stared at me while I waited. Once, I realized that I was the one who supposed to initiate conversation, I awkwardly said, "Uh, yeah hello. Could I please get..." I was overly nice in effort to compensate for her inconsideration. Also, something else rude and disgusting happened at this McDonald's. Mel and I were sitting inside just taking a break, and this dude next to us flat out rips out the loudest fart I've ever heard. My only response was to say out loud, "Oh....my.....God..." He apparently had earphones so I guess he assumed what he couldn't hear no one else could either. But, that was certainly not the case. It was disgusting.

Another thing... How many of you smile at someone when they make eye contact with you? I know I do most of the time, unless I'm utterly surprised by the way they look. Well, don't try that crap up East, they'll just give you a straight up dirty look. I know that these things don't apply to every person who resides in the East coast, but I'm just presenting a trend that I picked up on.

Number 3: Stereotypes- Just because you're from Texas doesn't mean that you have a thick Southern-drawl. Mel and I stayed at the Oak N' Spruce Resort in South Lee, MA. Lee is a small town, probably smaller than Kerrville and with less people, I would say. Anyway, being in a small town they don't have a big supermarket like Wal-Mart or anything. So, we found a small grocery shop called, Price Chopper. It kinda reminds me of Super-S. Well, my God mother, Alicia wanted us to buy some lottery plays for her in the different states. So, we saw that in Price Chopper they sold Mega Millions and so forth. We got a few quick picks and of course it never fails, my ID is needed to verify I'm over the age of 18. I get carded everywhere... even at the movies when I want to watch a rated R film... Anyway, she saw that we were from Texas and said, "Oh, my God. You're from Texas?!" We of course told her we were and she went on and on about how she would of never guessed because we don't have accents. "Where are your accents? There was this guy that came in the other day from Texas, and I barely could understand what he was saying. Haha you all talk funny." ....Yeah, really funny, uneducated small town girl that probably has 20 babies at home...

Number 4: Six Flags New England- OK the park overall was decent and they actually had a really fun ride called the Bizarro. But, get this... There is not ONE water fountain in the whole park? WTF right? OK, I get that they're trying to make as much profit as possible, but come on. You pay close to 50 bucks to get in and you can't even get lukewarm tap water for free? I think that's straight up bullshit.

*****

OK, enough about the trip. I'll have to post my pics up sometime soon.

***WARNING: PLEASE NOTE EXTREME SUBJECT CHANGE***

So, I've had my share of weird dreams, but I've recently had one that for sure should make some kind of top list. I can't remember all of the exact details so bear with me. Ok here goes...

So, in my dream I'm some kind of professional athlete. The setting is a basketball court and everyone has on basketball uniforms and yada yada. But, here's the twist. We're not playing with a basketball. Instead of a ball it's a stick of deodorant and instead of a basket it's a place to apply the deodorant, like a huge armpit or something...I can't really remember. All I know is that it was exactly like playing basketball, everyone was running hard and playing defense. Also, apparently in my dream I was really good at this deodorant/basketball sport and I could do the equivalent to a "dunk" with the deodorant stick..... Haha I know, I know this is way, way, way out there. I woke up and was completely confused. I've only told a few people this story and all got the same response: What the hell?

So, what do youskies think? Can anyone top this weird dream with your own. I'd like to hear 'bout 'em. Please comment by clicking HERE.

Venez M'aider

It's been a while I know... So, let's acquaint ourselves again, shall we?

For those of you who don't know, Mel and I are having a mini-vacation in the New York/Massachusetts area. And get this... my uber-strict Asian mother is only going to be there for the first few days, and is leaving us with a rent-a-car and cash to do as we please... I smell something fishy because she's never let us do anything in the past... Don't believe me?

Well, here's a small compilation of what my mother is a hardass about:

1. No sleeping over at friends' houses - seems harmless eh? Yeah, well my mother doesn't trust anyone straight off... Actually, there is one exception... If you're Filipino then it's OK. Like there's a whole lot of credible FLIPs around.... I'm the opposite. I put Filipinos last in my trust list...
   
2. No "hanging out" - I always tell her that I'm just "hanging out" and she hates this term... She always wants to know exactly what is happening. And since she's not so fresh off the boat, she understands what it means, but she still manages to change the phrase... She'll say, "I don't like this 'hanging around.' If you're not doing anything then you should just go home."*This should be read in my mother's Filipino accent, with all of the rolling of the "R's" and her loud voice
3. Don't work when you're in school - This sounds good right? She doesn't want me to work while I'm taking classes so I can focus on studying and junk. So, my first semester or so she gave me a credit card so I didn't have to get a job. Awesome right? OK, here's the problem... She doesn't want me to work...but she doesn't want me to use the credit card she gave me... Confusing to you too? Yeah, my point exactly....
4. No galavanting - OK so most of you know what kind of person I am. I'm pretty chill and I am not much of a "partier." I consider myself some what responsible. My mother on the other hand must watch a lot of Dateline specials on college life, because she thinks that's what's happening to me. If she hears anything about drinking, drugs, etc she automatically thinks I have some association with it. First off, if I do drink it's maybe one drink. Second, I've never had problems with alcohol or drugs in the past. Third, c'mon. It's me. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm pretty goody-goody. Honestly, I think no matter what age I am, my mom will treat me like a child. I can just see when I'm 50 and she'll call me up and still be harassing me about these things...
   

Those of you who have Asian parents should understand. If not... just read or watch Joy Luck Club. It's pretty much the same thing haha. Anyway, we'll see how this trip goes. I won't be surprised if my mom is just messing with us. On the day we drop her off at the airport, I can see her just punking us and say, "Did you really think I was going to let you be here by yourselves? Ha!" We will see...

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I went home this past weekend to make some extra cash for the trip. I some how ended up making around 600 bucks in tips. Unbelievable, eh? Yeah, I must have just been lucky. I'm going back this weekend too to see if I can do it again...doubt it though.

When I went to church last Sunday I noticed that there was a new priest. He was ok, but he had a bit of an accent and when he would ask everyone a question no one answered because no one understood. It was kinda entertaining. During these semi-long awkward pauses in the church you could probably hear my snickers... haha Don't judge me. At least I always contribute to the collection plate. So, anyway, you know how during the 'Our Father' everyone holds hands? Well, I was sitting between an older woman and Grace. I held Grace's hand and politely raised my other one for the woman to grab....but she never did! She just looked at my hand and raised both of her hands in front of herself like she was blowing a kiss from her chest. Really? I don't know her reasoning, but I'm sure my hands were cleaner than hers. I know for a fact because I've recently been using hand sanitizer like every 15 minutes. I'm not sure if she's going to use Swine flu as a scapegoat, but c'mon it's church. And, to think of it...if she is scared of contamination... Why did she drink out of the communal eucharist cup? Multiple people drink out of the same cup and she probably drank some dirty backwash. I should of pulled this on her:

Oh, well I'm sure she'll get hers...

*****

School's almost over!! Hazaa! Only one more week for me and then two finals. "Hanging out" or "galavanting" anyone?

Click --> HERE <--- for unicorns and rainbows

Comedy Flops

Things that people never find funny:

Whenever I'm at Wal-Mart or any grocery store and the cashier repeatedly attempts to scan something and the price never shows up... I always say, "Oh, well I guess it's free. haha."

The inevitable reaction:
I don't know why I try that line all of the time... but every time I get a pissed off look and the cold shoulder...

Whenever I take orders at work (Chili's) I never write anything down... It's probably a better idea to write things down so I have proof of what people order, but it's a habit for me now to keep things in my head. Maybe I should just carry around a voice recorder so I can prove the stupid bitch at table whatever that he/she did in fact order the chicken fajitas and not quesadillas... Bitterness aside, my tables take my mental memorization either by praising me or doubting me. Actually, I think 100% doubt that I will get it right.... Anyway, after a table gives me their order, occasionally they'll say, "Oh, wow. You're going to remember all of that?" And I always reply, "Haha I guess you're going to find out, huh?"

Their reaction: Instant smile to stern frown...


I don't know why I always try to make my tables laugh, but most of the time my customers never want to listen to my "jokes." But, they always like to crack their own lame jokes and I have to do one of those fake laughs, but if I crack one back, it's never seems to be as amusing in their opinion.

Other observations that are usually not funny (in most people's eyes):

• Making fun of someone's baldness
• When someone volunteers to sing e.g. like karaoke and is seriously bad...with no laughs
• Saying that an Asian eats dog*...

*I have a story about this... I'm sure it will pop up in a later post...

******

Well, if you read my post last week you already know about my parking violation.... If you didn't get a chance to read last week's post let me just say that I parked on the curb near a stop sign. This area used to be a 15 minute standing zone, but now the sign is taken down and people always park there....and the one time I do, I get a stupid ticket. Well, turns out you have to be 30 feet away from a stop or yield sign. But, I decided to appeal the violation since there was not a sign like this in sight:

I went to the city of Austin's Municipal court today right after softball. I went through the metal detectors and told the lady at the information desk that I was there to appeal a parking violation and she told me two people were in front of me and gave me a number to wait for the hearing officer. Well, I waited about an hour before my number was called, but I didn't mind that much because a really good looking guy sat next to me...but he had a wedding band...damn.

Anyway, I walked in the hearing room and he swore me in and blah, blah, blah. And, he let me present my claim and evidence to support my appeal. I went on how there was no "no parking" sign and that it used to be a standing zone and all that jazz and he listened for a good, I don't know... 3 minutes and said, "I understand where you're coming from, but I'm going to have to hold you liable for the violation." I looked at him with an "Are you kidding?" look and he then asked me, "Were you born and raised in Texas?"

I was caught off guard by the question, but I answered, "Uh, yeah I've lived here most of my life, but I was born in New York."

Hearing officer while taking out a Texas driving manual... : "Well, if you received your Texas license you should know the 30 foot Stop/yield sign law."

Me with another "You've got to be kidding me" look: "Um, ok."

He flipped through the handbook for a good ten minutes looking for the the parking laws and couldn't find it. He then switched to his computer looking through his online violation database, but he still failed to find anything. So, I'm just waiting patiently for him to find something and he says, "Wow, this is embarrassing. I guess I'm just as guilty as the next. Actually, I didn't know about this law until I took this position as a hearing officer."

Now, I'm super pissed about the comment, thinking if this dude doesn't even know, how is anyone else supposed to know this crap? I say, "If this isn't common knowledge, why aren't there signs or markers indicating where a person can park?"

He answered, "Well, like I said... A person should know these things through the Texas driving handbook."

Me: "Right..."

He went looking for the various parking violation rules again on the computer, and then finally photocopied a sheet that was scotch taped to his wall. What a douche bag.... I should of figured he was a douche from the start because it was close to 90 degrees outside today, and he was wearing a turtle-neck sweater.... After he printed out a copy of these rules he circled all the one's he thought were not common knowledge with a red pen. He said, "I don't agree with these rules, but I have to enforce them."

I seriously almost stood up and strangled his high-collared covered neck.... *Sigh* Again, "the man" wins...

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Where's Summer B?

*Sigh* Is anyone else sick and tired of school right now? It blows...

Anyway, so if anyone has read my earlier blog posts you might remember the incident where I had a toe injury... if you don't have any recollection of this or if you don't have any knowledge of the subject you can get a recap here. Well, turns out I lost the toenail completely. Yeah, it has looked gross for some time now, but now it's gone. Speaking of the word, "gross" I've been hearing it a lot lately. Anytime someone looks at my left leg I get one of these reactions:

• Oh, my God!! That looks disgusting
  
• Eww... what happened?
• Oh, shit. That looks like it hurts

(I would insert a picture here) but I thought I would spare you from cringing. I would say it looks like if Cujo attacked and ate Grimace and then threw up on my leg....

So, you might be wondering, why does my leg look like vomit from an oddly purple colored chicken nugget...? Well, turns out that last week during a game in my softball class there were two outs and so that means to run on anything. The person up to bat hit the ball, so I ran home and the catcher was blocking the whole plate by standing right in front of it. What he should of done was move his body out of the way and only have his glove with the ball in the running lane....but no. So, my only option was to slide in. I slid feet first and I caught the bottom of the catcher's legs and probably took out his ankles, but after I did this I guess he lost his balance and then stepped on my leg. And by the way he was wearing baseball cleats and he's not the most fit guy, if you know what I mean... I have to admit that at the time it hurt so bad that it took me a while to get up from the dirt, but I still continued to play. It didn't even occur to me that the catcher got hurt, since he was the one that cleated my leg... The game continued and I noticed that the catcher was sitting in the bleachers with a large bag of ice on his leg. Surprised, I asked if he was alright and he said, "yeah I think I'll be ok." The douchebag didn't even ask how I was.... all he said was, "I shouldn't have blocked the base." He must have taken the words out of my thoughts, but I didn't say anything. The only upside was that we actually won that game, so after I limped back to campus. When we had class again Monday while I was stretching the catcher (Greg) was sat next to me and this was the gist of our conversation:

Me: "Hey, Greg. How was your Easter?"

Greg: "Good, good. Yours?

Me: "Yeah, pretty good. So, did you see my battle scar? (referring to my bruised leg)

Greg: "Yeah, I have one too." He looked at his leg searching for a bruise to show me, but I saw nothing... "Well, it was bad, but I guess it's gone now."

Me: "Uh, huh..."

Greg got up and started to warm-up before the game started. Rose, another girl in my class saw my bruise and was of course disgusted by the looks of it. I told her it was from sliding into Greg and she said,

Rose: "Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I remember you took him out. I didn't understand that though because you were the one that got hurt."

Me: "Yeah, I know."

Rose: "Well, I saw it happen and then afterwards he seriously looked like he was about to cry."

Me: "Haha really?"

Rose: "Haha yeah. What a baby."

I didn't know that he was on the verge of crying, but c'mon.... Just like Jimmy Dugan says, "There's no crying in baseball."

*****

On a completely different subject.... I just got a freaking parking ticket. Let me just say that it's bullshit. I had the understanding that you could park anywhere on a curb where it doesn't say "NO PARKING ANY TIME," or in a red zone. There's a spot on campus that used to be a 15 minute customer service zone, but now that sign was taken down and so a lot of people park there. That spot is usually always taken, but today it was vacated. So, hooray a parking spot!! But, no... I got a freaking ticket. Lame...

*****

Sorry for the filler, but nothing too exciting to report. Add some jibber jabber to my comment page HERE.