We're Moving

Please note that PTTAAF has moved to it's own blog.  -->  PTTAAF

This is to distinguish between random blog posts and the infamous PTTAAF list.

Thanks.

It's not me...It's you.

So I've decided to devote this particular blog to PTTAAF.

So check out my new work in process ---> Some Bunny's Shit.

It will include a bunch of random things.  Enjoy and leave me....comments!!!

Hiya Stranger

Ah, I can't believe I completely neglected my blog and youse guys for over a month.  I'll just apologize now.

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry that I haven't written you even when I said I would...please forgive me.

Your friend,

Andy

Oh, and for everyone else...my bad.

I could have lied and said that I intentionally skipped February because it's by far the most retarded month.  Oh, excuse me, I mean the month with the most severe mental disabilities.  For one, it's not spelled how it sounds phonetically, and it's the only month with less than 30 days.  Plus on top of that, every four years we just tack on an extra day to the second month of the year for shits and giggles.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I know that it's because we need to keep the solar year balanced and blah, blah, blah.  But, why do we add it to February?  Why not to January or December?  Seems to me it would make more sense to add an extra day to the end months.  Anyone have an answer for that one?  I'm too lazy to Google it and I refuse to pay a dollar for kgb to do it.

Let's just get straight to it.

PTTAAF 7*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

A spark of inspiration.


31.  Know it Alls (KIA)

So, I'm not going to drop any specific names on this one, but I think that these kinds of people are easy to spot.  It's one thing when a person knows nothing at all and has shit for brains. But it's a totally different ball game when a person knows nothing, but says anything and everything to portray an image of intellect.  We all know that I am easily annoyed by idiots, but if you're a know it all, most likely I do everything in my power to avoid you at all cost.  Like I've said before, if I answer you with short one syllable words....hint hint! I don't want you to direct any kind of conversation toward me.

Usually Know-it-Alls claim to be from multiple places, are at least bilingual, and knows everything about current news and random knowledge.  When I actually have enough patience to deal with a KIA, my favorite thing to do is mess with them.  I'll create some obscure news story and see if they take a bite at the bait.  Usually they do, because KIAs can never be out of the loop.  It's so funny to see a person's response to my lies about how chewing your food more than 10x causes cancer or how the color pink is becoming endangered.  Usually KIAs will put their finger to their chin while pondering and say, "Oh, yeah I've read about that somewhere."  The truth is you haven't because I pulled all of that straight out of my ass hole.  Do everyone a favor and just shut the hell up for once.  Here's a rule of thumb, if a person doesn't ask for your opinion it usually means they don't want it.

32.  When people are bitchy-nice

Who here doesn't know what bitchy-nice is?  Well, I guess this can be defined in many ways, but let me include what I think it entails.  When a person constantly has a smile stuck on their face while simultaneously is being insulting or degrading, is my definition for "bitchy-nice."  The funny thing is that usually this pertains to females.  It's usually the lady who has some kind of minuscule job, but has some kind of loaded snazzy title like administrative assistant = secretary or sales associate = Wal-Mart employee.  They kind of grit their teeth when speaking and they talk through their teeth like a cheap ventriloquist.  I don't understand why people put these two attributes together. I mean c'mon we all know that the "nice" is an act and the truth is that you're just really a bitch.  So, if you're going to be a bitch then fine, be one.  But, don't try to hide it by pretending to be my best friend.  I know who my friends are and I don't need a female pooch to hump my leg.

33.  When people's butt cracks constantly show.

Please note that I inserted the word "constantly."  I understand that sometimes pants can sag down due to gravity and what not, but if it is corrected within a certain time period I'll deem it acceptable.  But, the majority of the time when ass crack is shown, it is by the skanky girl in front of me during lecture or the somewhat heavy set guy that from far away seems like he shares a common odor with an old sopping rag or mop.  I mean c'mon can these people really not feel that their cracks are exposed?  Sometimes I intentionally power-walk directly behind them hoping that the gust of wind from my stroll will trigger a cool sensation to their ass fold. 

So, I've thought of a solution to this gluteus maximus cleavage epidemic.  Instead of young women only getting floral/butterfly lower back tattoos...I suggest something along these lines:

Hey, at least it's a bit considerate, right?

34.  When people ask questions they already know the answer to.

This could go either way.  One or two of these kinds of questions could be acceptable only in the following situations:

Acceptable Examples:

To start a conversation:  Oh, hey you're John Doe's sister, right?
To get something back that's yours:  Oh, is that my pen you're using?
To end a conversation:  Oh, wow it's 10 o'clock already?

Note that most of these questions start with, "Oh."  But, any interjection can be used at the beginning of these questions to avoid extreme awkwardness toward the other party.

What is not permitted is when you ask a question just for instant gratification to let others that you might actually know something. Usually these questions have particularly simple answers that even Forrest Gump could give with ease.  Or the questions can easily be converted into statements if the question mark is replaced with a period.

Prohibited Examples:

Two plus two equals four?
You're 22, so you're turning 23?
Both your parents are Filipino...so that makes you full Filipino?

I would greatly appreciate it if everyone would just stop and think before they speak sometimes.  I'm not pointing the finger to any of my readers because I know youse guys wouldn't do that, right?* e.g. of conversation ender

35.  When people say/write things that are obviously grammatically incorrect.

I'm just going to admit one thing right now.  I know I suck at grammar, comma splices, and all that jazz, but I do know the difference between possessives and contractions. Is it really that difficult? 

Your versus You're


Your = possessive 
Examples:

Is that your banana?
Your blog is awesome.
That's not mine.  I think that's yours.


You're = you are
Examples:

You're awesome.
You're so funny.
I'm glad you're here.

There- Their- They're:  It's going to be alright.

OK "there," "their," and "they're" is an example of a homophone.  Surprising to some, that is not a gay telephone.  A homophone is: one of two or more words pronounced alike but differs in meaning, derivation or spelling.

There = in or at that place

Examples:

What's over there?
Here, there, and everywhere.
There we go.

Their = of or relating to them or themselves; his or her, possessive case of they

Examples:

I lost all of their phone numbers.
Their dogs are all out.
Their prices here are pretty decent.


They're = contraction of they are

Examples:

They're so cute.
They're all busy.
They're closing in five minutes.

*A sub-note to add
"Thay" is not an English word. 

Abbreviations

I hate it when people use "proff" for professor.  Notice that there is only ONE "f" in professor.

Good to note* Knowledge courtesy of U.I.L. Dictionary skills
p = page pg = page
pp = pages pgs = pages
V. = versus VS. = versus
ABBR = Abbreviation

*Why the hell is abbreviation such a long word?  And why do we only have a short hand symbol for a two letter word? At = @  Wow, thanks for saving me a millisecond of my time.  How about we figure something out for that "h-t-t-p-colon-backslash-backslash-w-w-w-dot" bullshit?


Anyway V. Anyways

Anyway = never the less, at any rate, any how

Anyways= nonstandard, anyway

So pretty much, "anyways" is not a word.  So...don't use it.  Just the sound of it makes me cringe.  I've tried to be an active corrector of this by instantly saying "anyway" any time I hear someone use, "anyways."  So, don't be surprised when you hear an echo of  "anyway" when you blurt out a nonstandard word.

Pronunciation of my name, Andrea.

Correct:  ahn-drey-uh / an-dree-uh

Incorrect: on/awn- drey-uh

I think that I made a conscious decision on the pronunciation of my name on the first day of Kindergarten.  

Ms. Sylvester asked me, "Is it Ann-drey-uh or On-drey-uh?" 


Because I hate the sound of an "o" in my name I picked the Americanized version of my name:  Ann-drey-uh.


Technically, it's neither.  My parents named me and since they are both from Filipino decent, the "r" in my name is somewhat rolled.  So, something like this:  Ahn- drrrey- uh But, forewarning!!! Do not ever emphasize the r-rolling in my name.  That just makes you sound straight up ignorant and stupid.  I don't want anyone to turn into a freaking cat midway into saying my name.  Leave the purring to the hairball coughing and private licking felines.  

You would think the Americanized version would be everyone's first guess to pronouncing my name, but you'd be completely wrong.  Just because my skin contains a bit more melanin than some of youse white folk, it doesn't mean that I must have some crazy foreign name.  Plus, Andrea is my actual name.  It's not an American replacement for Lingxiaoping or Ching-a ling-ling, OK? 

Whew, I finally got that off my chest.

End of rant.  Please click --> HERE <-- to comment and make my day.

New Year, Old Tidings

Happy MMX!!! I hope everyone had an awesome year, but if you didn't...Hey, here's a new one, so try not to F it up.  I'm sure many of you have your resolutions thought out, but how many of you are actually going to keep 'em? My top philosophy now is to reevaluate my relationships:  family, friendship, etcetera. Aristotle's ethics include how people only have "friendships" or philia i.e. love, because the relationships are only intact because each individual uses another for some sort of advantage.  That's a pretty bizarre idea that every person in existence uses another.  We all know what I'm using you for.......ahem blog comments.  But, what's your advantage from me?  Just something to think about... Anyway, enough of this mumbo jumbo.  Let's get to what really matters...

PTTAAF 6*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

That's so.....miscellaneous.  

27.  When people flake


I understand that sometimes plans turn to shit, but c'mon.  There's a difference between change of plans and flaking.  There are many definitions for a flake, but each of them share a common word, unreliable.  How many times does a person have to ditch plans before they are named unreliable or i.e. a flake? Well, personally I think granting a person three chances is generous.  I'm all for hanging and what not, but don't make plans with me to just shit on them later.  It's such a waste of time to think you have plans and then in the end, you don't.  


28.  When people have the wrong winter attire


Of course each person's sense of warmth differentiates due to size or preference, but there are times when you think about a person's outfit with, "Wow, I guess it's not that hot/cold out here."  It's hard to visualize without clip art, eh?  Well, let me help you out with that.  


Let me categorize what I think is appropriate for the according temperatures* Please note that these are in terms of Tejas weather, so all you Canadians shut your trap.  Especially, you Alanis Morissette.  Nobody cares what you think.  As for your ex-fiancé, Ryan Reynolds....mmmm he can talk. Anyway, enough Canadian bashing.  Let's get to it.


40s - Freezing temperatures:


First off, if it's freezing in Texas my advice is to...stay indoors.  No one here can drive in sleet let alone snow.  Southern people can't even handle drizzle.  Let's all do everyone a favor and keep our lives by staying off the roads.  If you do decide to turn mental and go out side...the key word is layers.  


First layer/next to skin-  should be something that takes away the sweat from the body.  I'm sure many of you are thinking a t-shirt, but cotton soaks up water and doesn't evaporate quickly.  I prefer to wear Nike Dri-Fit. Some of you may ask, "What's Dri-fit?"  Well, here's Nike's description:  Dri-Fit:  This high-performance, microfiber, polyester fabric wicks sweat away from the body and moves it to the fabric surface, where it evaporates. As a result, Dri-FIT fabric helps you stay dry and comfortable.  

Well, I'm sold.  


Middle layer/thermal layer-  This is where you wear your warmest stuff.  The hideous wool sweater you got from one of your aunts from Christmas will do.  If it's it's cold enough it won't matter because you'll have another layer to hide the vomit green color of your sweater and you can blame the beet-red face from the cold/wind.  

*Note that I do not/never will own this sweater


Outer layer- This should be water proof and wind resistant.  This will keep you warm by protecting your thermal layer from being cold and wet.  A down puff jacket will do it it's really cold, but it might not be very accessible or practical.  And for all you Whitey Whitersons, we all know how you adore your North Face jacket.  

*****

So, I already established this is for really really cold climate, and you can always add layers between these basic ones.  But, if you only wear a T-shirt under your stupid letter jacket and complain it's cold...Get the F out of my face.  Also, you frat boys who stroll around campus in freezing temperatures with your stupid sailor shorts, Sperry Topsiders with no socks, and backwards cap...YOU DON'T LOOK "COOL!"  Pun halfway intended.  I for one think if it's freezing and you're wearing shorts and a T-shirt and are pale white and shivering, you're an IDIOT.  I have no sympathy for stupid people.  If you want my sympathy, back of the line.

50s-60s:

Down here, this is still considered a bit cold.  I would think at least a light jacket for the morning is a must and then if it warms up you can just take it off.  Only thing about this is that when it's freaking cold in the morning and when noon hits the suns slaps you across the face, I tend to get irritated to carry my jacket around.  And tying the sleeves around your waist/shoulders only works for Polo Ralph Lauren models.  

 

70s:

70s can still be cool, but it's not cold any more.  Take off your damn turtleneck and destroy your Snuggie for dogs.  

80s:

It's warm.  No need for winter attire at all.  Enjoy the nice weather, douchebags.  Take off your hoodie and sit on it.

90s-100:

It's f'ing hot.  If you're wearing any sort of jacket, you deserve to be punched square in the mouth.  Period.  Unless of course you have some sort of skin problem...OK the kids off of The Others have a pass, everyone else a fist to the face.

29.  When people chime in on conversations they know nothing about

If I'm speaking to one person, there's probably a reason I'm speaking to ONE person.  Don't walk up beside me and stare at us and wait for something to comment on.  If you notice that when you walk up to a conversation and the people look at you funny and turn back and say, "Anyway..." and continue with their conversation, most likely they don't want you standing there.  Another hint to know you're not wanted to have a conversation with is when a person only answers in one/two syllable words.  E.g.:  Uh, huh, OK, yeah, yes, etcetera.  

30.  Dr. Honeydew* I don't really hate the Muppets character, but I do hate the person he resembles.

For those of you who have no idea who this person is, feel privileged.  Just knowing that this person exists in the world makes me die inside a little every day.  This is no hyperbole.  I HATE this man.  You think that my blog is full of hate and disgust?  Well, words cannot describe how much I despise this person.  Just thinking about him disgusts me to the core.  I'm just going to leave it at this because I don't want to start having a tantrum and have a cerebral (brain) aneurysm.  Ballooning blood vessel in the brain?  Yeah, no thanks.  But, I will open up the comments for anyone who thinks they know who Dr. Honeydew is.  I would please request that you do not include his/her name, but to just include what you think of this person.  And, if you are unsure or are unaware of who Dr. Honeydew indeed is, I'm sure there is a person you know who is the equivalent, so please describe your arch nemesis.  Please, this is an open space so comment away.  

You know the drill.  Click -->  HERE <--  if you heart me.