Hiya Stranger

Ah, I can't believe I completely neglected my blog and youse guys for over a month.  I'll just apologize now.

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry that I haven't written you even when I said I would...please forgive me.

Your friend,

Andy

Oh, and for everyone else...my bad.

I could have lied and said that I intentionally skipped February because it's by far the most retarded month.  Oh, excuse me, I mean the month with the most severe mental disabilities.  For one, it's not spelled how it sounds phonetically, and it's the only month with less than 30 days.  Plus on top of that, every four years we just tack on an extra day to the second month of the year for shits and giggles.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I know that it's because we need to keep the solar year balanced and blah, blah, blah.  But, why do we add it to February?  Why not to January or December?  Seems to me it would make more sense to add an extra day to the end months.  Anyone have an answer for that one?  I'm too lazy to Google it and I refuse to pay a dollar for kgb to do it.

Let's just get straight to it.

PTTAAF 7*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

A spark of inspiration.


31.  Know it Alls (KIA)

So, I'm not going to drop any specific names on this one, but I think that these kinds of people are easy to spot.  It's one thing when a person knows nothing at all and has shit for brains. But it's a totally different ball game when a person knows nothing, but says anything and everything to portray an image of intellect.  We all know that I am easily annoyed by idiots, but if you're a know it all, most likely I do everything in my power to avoid you at all cost.  Like I've said before, if I answer you with short one syllable words....hint hint! I don't want you to direct any kind of conversation toward me.

Usually Know-it-Alls claim to be from multiple places, are at least bilingual, and knows everything about current news and random knowledge.  When I actually have enough patience to deal with a KIA, my favorite thing to do is mess with them.  I'll create some obscure news story and see if they take a bite at the bait.  Usually they do, because KIAs can never be out of the loop.  It's so funny to see a person's response to my lies about how chewing your food more than 10x causes cancer or how the color pink is becoming endangered.  Usually KIAs will put their finger to their chin while pondering and say, "Oh, yeah I've read about that somewhere."  The truth is you haven't because I pulled all of that straight out of my ass hole.  Do everyone a favor and just shut the hell up for once.  Here's a rule of thumb, if a person doesn't ask for your opinion it usually means they don't want it.

32.  When people are bitchy-nice

Who here doesn't know what bitchy-nice is?  Well, I guess this can be defined in many ways, but let me include what I think it entails.  When a person constantly has a smile stuck on their face while simultaneously is being insulting or degrading, is my definition for "bitchy-nice."  The funny thing is that usually this pertains to females.  It's usually the lady who has some kind of minuscule job, but has some kind of loaded snazzy title like administrative assistant = secretary or sales associate = Wal-Mart employee.  They kind of grit their teeth when speaking and they talk through their teeth like a cheap ventriloquist.  I don't understand why people put these two attributes together. I mean c'mon we all know that the "nice" is an act and the truth is that you're just really a bitch.  So, if you're going to be a bitch then fine, be one.  But, don't try to hide it by pretending to be my best friend.  I know who my friends are and I don't need a female pooch to hump my leg.

33.  When people's butt cracks constantly show.

Please note that I inserted the word "constantly."  I understand that sometimes pants can sag down due to gravity and what not, but if it is corrected within a certain time period I'll deem it acceptable.  But, the majority of the time when ass crack is shown, it is by the skanky girl in front of me during lecture or the somewhat heavy set guy that from far away seems like he shares a common odor with an old sopping rag or mop.  I mean c'mon can these people really not feel that their cracks are exposed?  Sometimes I intentionally power-walk directly behind them hoping that the gust of wind from my stroll will trigger a cool sensation to their ass fold. 

So, I've thought of a solution to this gluteus maximus cleavage epidemic.  Instead of young women only getting floral/butterfly lower back tattoos...I suggest something along these lines:

Hey, at least it's a bit considerate, right?

34.  When people ask questions they already know the answer to.

This could go either way.  One or two of these kinds of questions could be acceptable only in the following situations:

Acceptable Examples:

To start a conversation:  Oh, hey you're John Doe's sister, right?
To get something back that's yours:  Oh, is that my pen you're using?
To end a conversation:  Oh, wow it's 10 o'clock already?

Note that most of these questions start with, "Oh."  But, any interjection can be used at the beginning of these questions to avoid extreme awkwardness toward the other party.

What is not permitted is when you ask a question just for instant gratification to let others that you might actually know something. Usually these questions have particularly simple answers that even Forrest Gump could give with ease.  Or the questions can easily be converted into statements if the question mark is replaced with a period.

Prohibited Examples:

Two plus two equals four?
You're 22, so you're turning 23?
Both your parents are Filipino...so that makes you full Filipino?

I would greatly appreciate it if everyone would just stop and think before they speak sometimes.  I'm not pointing the finger to any of my readers because I know youse guys wouldn't do that, right?* e.g. of conversation ender

35.  When people say/write things that are obviously grammatically incorrect.

I'm just going to admit one thing right now.  I know I suck at grammar, comma splices, and all that jazz, but I do know the difference between possessives and contractions. Is it really that difficult? 

Your versus You're


Your = possessive 
Examples:

Is that your banana?
Your blog is awesome.
That's not mine.  I think that's yours.


You're = you are
Examples:

You're awesome.
You're so funny.
I'm glad you're here.

There- Their- They're:  It's going to be alright.

OK "there," "their," and "they're" is an example of a homophone.  Surprising to some, that is not a gay telephone.  A homophone is: one of two or more words pronounced alike but differs in meaning, derivation or spelling.

There = in or at that place

Examples:

What's over there?
Here, there, and everywhere.
There we go.

Their = of or relating to them or themselves; his or her, possessive case of they

Examples:

I lost all of their phone numbers.
Their dogs are all out.
Their prices here are pretty decent.


They're = contraction of they are

Examples:

They're so cute.
They're all busy.
They're closing in five minutes.

*A sub-note to add
"Thay" is not an English word. 

Abbreviations

I hate it when people use "proff" for professor.  Notice that there is only ONE "f" in professor.

Good to note* Knowledge courtesy of U.I.L. Dictionary skills
p = page pg = page
pp = pages pgs = pages
V. = versus VS. = versus
ABBR = Abbreviation

*Why the hell is abbreviation such a long word?  And why do we only have a short hand symbol for a two letter word? At = @  Wow, thanks for saving me a millisecond of my time.  How about we figure something out for that "h-t-t-p-colon-backslash-backslash-w-w-w-dot" bullshit?


Anyway V. Anyways

Anyway = never the less, at any rate, any how

Anyways= nonstandard, anyway

So pretty much, "anyways" is not a word.  So...don't use it.  Just the sound of it makes me cringe.  I've tried to be an active corrector of this by instantly saying "anyway" any time I hear someone use, "anyways."  So, don't be surprised when you hear an echo of  "anyway" when you blurt out a nonstandard word.

Pronunciation of my name, Andrea.

Correct:  ahn-drey-uh / an-dree-uh

Incorrect: on/awn- drey-uh

I think that I made a conscious decision on the pronunciation of my name on the first day of Kindergarten.  

Ms. Sylvester asked me, "Is it Ann-drey-uh or On-drey-uh?" 


Because I hate the sound of an "o" in my name I picked the Americanized version of my name:  Ann-drey-uh.


Technically, it's neither.  My parents named me and since they are both from Filipino decent, the "r" in my name is somewhat rolled.  So, something like this:  Ahn- drrrey- uh But, forewarning!!! Do not ever emphasize the r-rolling in my name.  That just makes you sound straight up ignorant and stupid.  I don't want anyone to turn into a freaking cat midway into saying my name.  Leave the purring to the hairball coughing and private licking felines.  

You would think the Americanized version would be everyone's first guess to pronouncing my name, but you'd be completely wrong.  Just because my skin contains a bit more melanin than some of youse white folk, it doesn't mean that I must have some crazy foreign name.  Plus, Andrea is my actual name.  It's not an American replacement for Lingxiaoping or Ching-a ling-ling, OK? 

Whew, I finally got that off my chest.

End of rant.  Please click --> HERE <-- to comment and make my day.