Alex, I'll take Potpourri for 400 Please

School has started once again...*sigh* I hope everyone's break was relaxing and enjoyable. I for one can count the things I did during summer break on one hand... worked and watched movies.... and went on that family vacation. Anyway, the stresses of classes will commence soon and that will give me another thing to bitch about. Speaking of bitching... let's get to it, shall we?

PTTAAF 3*
*PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE ANNOYING &/OR FRUSTRATING

Random Sightings:

11. When people bring their children to the movies-

I know that getting a babysitter in times of need is sometimes difficult, but my goodness... I don't think that bringing a five month old teething baby to a theater with hundreds of other people is a good idea. I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I figure that a dark room full of strangers wanting to watch a movie they paid about ten bucks to see on an opening weekend doesn't want some stupid kid (who got in for free) to ruin it by their loud and obnoxious cries. If you ask me... children should pay a higher premium to go out to public places...that way adults are discouraged to bring them. And don't get mad at me...it's just a suggestion. If you ever had to clean up after someone else's kid, I think you'd agree with me on this one. I don't know how many times I had to sweep up those damn Gerber Graduates star shaped snacks, but c'mon people! If you do decide to bring your 'only cute to you' child out...do everyone a favor and clean up after your own damn kid. Sheesh...

12. Public Urination-

I didn't think that I actually had to put this on here because I think it's obvious that this act shouldn't be done... So why am I putting this on here now? Because I was having lunch with my sister and this kid about six or seven years old pops open the door and starts pissing on the sidewalk. I was appalled because his mother and her friend just watched him do this disgusting deed. I think I was staring with my jaw open and I was so shocked that I think my Asian eyes were so wide that they probably looked like regular sized ones. From now on, I am fully supportive of having children on leashes and smacking them in public, because apparently that's the only way some can be handled. I don't even want to start with how unsanitary that is, but you can bet your ass that I found another exit to walk out of. I'm not stepping through or on any kid's piss. No thank you.

13. Spork/Foon-

A hybrid gone wrong... Let me start out by saying, what the hell kind of invention is this? Was there a revolt led by one-armed people to manufacture this poor thought out contraption or something? Also, I honestly don't think it should be called a "spork" or a "foon" because it sounds like it's 50% spoon and 50% fork. If any of you have used this supposed "spork/foon" you would know that it is mostly spoon than fork. Maybe the word "spook" or "fpoon" would be more accurate. The fork part of a spork is maybe one centimeter long. What can you honestly spear with a centimeter long tine?*that's what the pointy things are called I'll tell you...it's nothing. You couldn't even break great grandma's single layer epidermis...believe me, I tried. A spork is the only thing that any fried chicken place offers as a utensil. I don't even know why I try to use it every time, because I always get the same outcome. I attempt to "spear" the chicken off the bone and the tines bend backward and forward. And forget trying to bend them back, they're now so flimsy that it probably would have been better if you had just used a spoon. This might seem trivial to you, but it really gets my blood boiling when inferior products are being distributed. Why don't we just go back to VHS while we're at it? Here's another question... Where in America do you get a spoon and a fork as utensils? Shouldn't it be a knife and a fork? I'm not complaining about the spoon and fork combo because I'm Asian and I for one use the spoon for rice, soup, and.... wait that's beside the point. Shouldn't there be a "knork" or a "foife" some where out there? That makes more sense to me because I use the edge of my fork to cut more than I use a knife. Let's just sharpen the flat edge of our forks and get that patent on our innovation. I'll even split the proceeds with ya, because I'm that nice. Bad news kiddies... I seriously made up the term, "knork," but IT ALREADY EXISTS! Wow...I wonder if the shit I took this morning is on CBS's The Next Great Invention.

14. When people yuck my yum-

I'm sure that many of you have already have heard those words come out of my mouth, but I just want to emphasize how big of a pet-peeve that is. I especially lose patience with people when I find out that they haven't even tried the said food I am about to consume. If I hear the statement, "EWW! You're really going to eat that?!" one more time... I think I might just flip and go off on the poor individual who broke the camel's back. Let's break down this question: Am I really going to eat this? Through a small attempt of a thought process it can take a less than par person to realize that the answer is...yes. What person in their right mind, packs a lunch and is about to take a bite and then answers, "No?" Let me just say one thing, if someone is eating something... do them a favor and keep your opinions to yourself. Last time I checked you didn't need another person's permission to eat your own food. The exception of course is if the time and location is not prime.

Here's something totally off base... Who here has seen someone walking while trying to eat a banana? If you answered yes to this question, please tell me you snickered to yourself. Hehe it looks hilarious/awkward.

15. People who wear winter attire when it is over 100 degrees outside-

I will only show mercy to people who actually need protection from the sun. i.e. Albinos or if it is part of your religious beliefs... Everyone else is shit out of luck. Let's begin. Many of you know that during the summer if temperatures reach a certain high I am prone to Tourette's syndrome. I occasionally look like a crazed person when pouncing between covered and shaded areas. By the end of a hot day, my shirt has transformed into a sticky composition and is permanently stuck to my backside. Let me just tell you, it's not a pretty site. This is why I do not understand how people can be conscience when it is scorching hot outside and are wearing hoodies or thick jackets. To be honest, I'm not a person that sweats a lot, but recently between classes I get an unusual sweat mark on my shirt.... it's from my backpack, so it looks like I have a sweater vest made out of body perspiration...nice. Anyway, if I'm soaking up my t-shirt, I don't even want to imagine what's under that freshman's stupid high school letter jacket. C'mon! I think someone needs to tell these people that they look ridiculous and retarded. Not to mention that this directly coincides with people who have B.O. Gag me. You might be thinking: Hey, maybe they were in a cold building and were too lazy to take off their sweater/jacket between class. I can assure you that this is not the case with these people because (1) I usually see these people just hanging outside and (2) If you're too lazy to take off a sweater/jacket when it's hot outside... God help you. I don't know how you can get anything done...

Bleh, that's it for now my minions. Click --> HERE <-- now!

When it Comes to Food....Kill Me.

PTTAAF 2

Since no one objected to the start of the list...I decided on my own to continue it. On the other hand, no one encouraged the list either...shame on you. Some of you may be absolutely tired of my bitching about things relating to the food/beverage industry and serving....but I really don't care. These list additions are directly related to these subjects, so if this bothers you... Just scroll down to the bottom and leave me a comment about it. hehe

None the less...

Going Out to Eat:


6. When people "help" the server...-

OK this one could go either way. Don't get me wrong I really appreciate it when my customers want to help, but sometimes it ends up being more work and a hassle for me. Exempli gratia:

People like to take all of their napkins and shove them down their cups, ramekins, or bowls as far as they possibly can. Here's a question: How is that helpful in any way? Here's the answer: It's not. I don't know if any of you do this, but let me just acknowledge you that the server is the one who has to throw away your crap. So it's our responsibility to stick our hands down that nasty cup/bowl and fish out your napkin that you used to wipe the barbecue sauce of your disgusting face, while singing the ridiculous baby back rib song... Hey, hate to burst your bubble, but you're not the first person to bring up the stupid song and it has never been funny. Ever.

This one really gets under my skin... Please don't insult your server and grab a pitcher to refill your own drink. When a person does this the server automatically thinks two things: (1) Wow, what a douchebag and (2) Looks like you won't be getting anything else from me, asshole.

Here's something else to add: After finishing a meal, some people like to stack the plates for the server. Even though technically this is ill-mannered and against common etiquette... I for one love it one people stack their plates for me....On one condition: If the way the plates are stacked makes sense. Don't stack a plate that is 12" in diameter on top of a dressings ramekin that is 3" in diameter and is full of ranch...that you insisted to me on getting and then you didn't use the extra ranch at all. Uh, that really makes me angry. No one understands the aspect of materialism. How about we all do each other a favor and not ask for something unless we're absolutely certain we're going to use it or ask for something when we need it? Is that really too hard? Apparently so... Since were on the subject of ranch, let me just say... IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT. My goodness, people snap at you about ranch dressing like it's a cure for AIDS. We should just stop selling ranch two ounces at a time and should just ask if the table wants to include a tub of ranch and a bi-pass surgery to their check. I mean c'mon, we'd be saving both of us time and effort. While we're at it, we should just replace insulin drips with buttermilk ranch, because then people can control the amount of dressing to drown their food with just a press of a button. Wow....I rambled enough about ranch on this one... Let's just make it part of the list.**

6b. When people ask for ranch dressing-

**See the lengthy ramble/bitching above.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand...Stacking dishes in a way that makes a server juggle a leaning tower of plates to the dish pit...makes no sense. And this very situation usually leads to the next thing on my list...

7. When people clap when an employee drops or breaks dishes-

I want to meat the person who started this. And "meat" is not a typo. I seriously want to pummel this person's face with every hard surface of my body. Or maybe I can bash in some of their ribs into their vital organs. I think this would be the beginning for retribution for what this person started. Look, we all know that accidents happen. So an applause is not needed whenever someone screws up. It's not like restaurant employees can do this to customers...

Hypothetical Situation:

ME: "Here you go sir, beef fajitas."

Idiot Customer: "Oh, I ordered beef fajitas?"

Me: "Um, yes sir. I even reminded you that it came with a fajita boat..."

Idiot Customer: "That's right...but aren't fajitas the thing with the meat and cheese on top of chips?"

Me: "I'm sorry sir. Did you mean nachos?"

Idiot Customer: "Oh, yeah. Nachos! That's what I want."

Me: *while silent....just starts clapping*

Idiot Customer: *confused* "Um, what's going on?"

Me: "Oh, I just wanted to congratulate you on being a complete moron. Way to go dumb shit."

---Applause in reverse would go something like this I assume...

8. People who don't know how to tip- *In mini-list form

Some people insist on getting change and then leaves the exact change as a tip- Not only does this stress out a server, but again I can't see the reasoning for this. A simple, "Keep the change" would suffice and save time and effort.

When a person's math is completely wrong in their added credit card tip...obviously the total with the tip can't be lower than the subtotal people!

When a person doesn't know how to tip when using coupons/promotions....you tip before the discount, asshole.

Verbal tips- the all-time trump card to piss off a server. If a person is overly nice to a server, it makes a server uneasy because then they suspect "kindness" as a tip. I don't care how nice you are lady...You telling me how great a server I am, doesn't pay the damn bills. If that were the case I would be a flippin' millionaire. Even if I had a quarter for every time a person thanked and praised me for superior service they received...I'm pretty sure all the stupid Coinstar machines would be overwhelmed with the amount of change I would bring them.

9. When people complain about their food after they eat it all-

Who are these people fooling? Everyone knows that you're just trying to scam out a free meal. Apparently it wasn't that bad because...You chewed and swallowed every bite. This is equivalent to when people have bruises and then repeatedly pokes it while saying, "Oww, this hurts." Stop poking yourself people and stop eating food that tastes bad. No matter how good a server is...they can't read your mind. Just tell them that you didn't care for your order. But be careful...tell them in a nice way...

10. PEOPLE WHO ARE RUDE TO SERVERS-

Everyone knows that you shouldn't be rude to servers because....they handle your food. It would be an easy task for a server to taint your food. Believe me, I've heard some pretty gross stories about what servers do to rude people's orders. Those of you who don't work in the food industry trust me....it is as bad as you think...maybe even worse. I for one could never bring myself to do anything bad to a person's meal, but I'm only one of the few. Don't get me wrong...there were some times where I seriously wanted to and the table probably deserved it, but I could never do it.

Here's a "hypothetical" situation for you:

There's a table that is being completely intolerable and distasteful to a server for no reason at all. Even if there is a reason, servers are people too and do not need to be belittled by anyone. Anyway, thistable ordes BUFFALO CHICKEN CRISPER™ BITES. If you're not savvy with the Chili's menu let me tell you what this item includes, courtesy of the Chili's website: Four mini sandwiches with chicken breaded and fried to perfection then tossed in our spicy wing sauce. Topped with bacon crumbles, lettuce, and bleu cheese dressing and served on sesame seed buns. Served with crispy onion strings and bleu cheese dressing. I know that sounds stupid, but I seriously copy and pasted that shit. Back to the story... Well there's a lot a server could do with this particular item, but the bleu cheese makes it easy. Bleu cheese has a chunky consistency and already tastes sour. So a server could add more chunky sour goodness with a warm hawked loogie. Disgusting I know, but these kind of things happen.... Moral of the story is...

....Always treat the server with courtesy and respect...and tip fat.

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