Things that people never find funny:
Whenever I'm at Wal-Mart or any grocery store and the cashier repeatedly attempts to scan something and the price never shows up... I always say, "Oh, well I guess it's free. haha."
The inevitable reaction:
I don't know why I try that line all of the time... but every time I get a pissed off look and the cold shoulder...
Whenever I take orders at work (Chili's) I never write anything down... It's probably a better idea to write things down so I have proof of what people order, but it's a habit for me now to keep things in my head. Maybe I should just carry around a voice recorder so I can prove the stupid bitch at table whatever that he/she did in fact order the chicken fajitas and not quesadillas... Bitterness aside, my tables take my mental memorization either by praising me or doubting me. Actually, I think 100% doubt that I will get it right.... Anyway, after a table gives me their order, occasionally they'll say, "Oh, wow. You're going to remember all of that?" And I always reply, "Haha I guess you're going to find out, huh?"
Their reaction: Instant smile to stern frown...
I don't know why I always try to make my tables laugh, but most of the time my customers never want to listen to my "jokes." But, they always like to crack their own lame jokes and I have to do one of those fake laughs, but if I crack one back, it's never seems to be as amusing in their opinion.
Other observations that are usually not funny (in most people's eyes):
- Making fun of someone's baldness
- When someone volunteers to sing e.g. like karaoke and is seriously bad...with no laughs
- Saying that an Asian eats dog*...
******
Well, if you read my post last week you already know about my parking violation.... If you didn't get a chance to read last week's post let me just say that I parked on the curb near a stop sign. This area used to be a 15 minute standing zone, but now the sign is taken down and people always park there....and the one time I do, I get a stupid ticket. Well, turns out you have to be 30 feet away from a stop or yield sign. But, I decided to appeal the violation since there was not a sign like this in sight:
I went to the city of Austin's Municipal court today right after softball. I went through the metal detectors and told the lady at the information desk that I was there to appeal a parking violation and she told me two people were in front of me and gave me a number to wait for the hearing officer. Well, I waited about an hour before my number was called, but I didn't mind that much because a really good looking guy sat next to me...but he had a wedding band...damn.Anyway, I walked in the hearing room and he swore me in and blah, blah, blah. And, he let me present my claim and evidence to support my appeal. I went on how there was no "no parking" sign and that it used to be a standing zone and all that jazz and he listened for a good, I don't know... 3 minutes and said, "I understand where you're coming from, but I'm going to have to hold you liable for the violation." I looked at him with an "Are you kidding?" look and he then asked me, "Were you born and raised in Texas?"
I was caught off guard by the question, but I answered, "Uh, yeah I've lived here most of my life, but I was born in New York."
Hearing officer while taking out a Texas driving manual... : "Well, if you received your Texas license you should know the 30 foot Stop/yield sign law."
Me with another "You've got to be kidding me" look: "Um, ok."
He flipped through the handbook for a good ten minutes looking for the the parking laws and couldn't find it. He then switched to his computer looking through his online violation database, but he still failed to find anything. So, I'm just waiting patiently for him to find something and he says, "Wow, this is embarrassing. I guess I'm just as guilty as the next. Actually, I didn't know about this law until I took this position as a hearing officer."
Now, I'm super pissed about the comment, thinking if this dude doesn't even know, how is anyone else supposed to know this crap? I say, "If this isn't common knowledge, why aren't there signs or markers indicating where a person can park?"
He answered, "Well, like I said... A person should know these things through the Texas driving handbook."
Me: "Right..."
He went looking for the various parking violation rules again on the computer, and then finally photocopied a sheet that was scotch taped to his wall. What a douche bag.... I should of figured he was a douche from the start because it was close to 90 degrees outside today, and he was wearing a turtle-neck sweater.... After he printed out a copy of these rules he circled all the one's he thought were not common knowledge with a red pen. He said, "I don't agree with these rules, but I have to enforce them."
I seriously almost stood up and strangled his high-collared covered neck.... *Sigh* Again, "the man" wins...
What do you guys consider not to be funny? I'm curious to know your opinions. Please include them by clicking HERE.
8 comments:
Well I agree with you there on the chilis part, that's how I do and I guess I must look pretty dumb or people think because I am a server that I can't be very smart to memorize an order, I always get the "umm are u sure you don't want to write this down?" When its a simple I want a cheeseburger with only cheese no mustard tomatos and blah blah blah, so I say as nicely as possible "oh so you mean u want it plan and dry? or my favorite is when someone agrues with me saying that a certain item was not on there and they didn't want it, so I kindly bring them the menu to show them that tomatos DO come on ALL of our salads. Ugh people.
Ok so that ticket crap is whack, so this d bag doesn't even know where this "law" is stated yet want to go ahead and give you a ticket? Fuck that, if I were him and I didn't "agree with those laws" then he shouldn't try to be such a hard ass. Plus I don't even remember that rule, now I know! Thanks! I don't get cops or the law period, we try to force so many laws when there are really so many other things more important then stupid tickets.
But anyways, I am right there with you on this! Have a great night!
I always thought it was 15 feet from a stop sign. So what is the real answer? And there should be signs because no one remembers the driving rules! I took driver's ed when I was 15, and that was a while ago...
shaking your head yes while saying no. pisses people off every time haha.... ps, dude, why didn't you punch that guy?
All i know is that red means stop and yellow means hurry up. Of course this only applies to cities/towns that have traffic lights....unlike Hunt. Lucky me.
its like i get to be with you all the time now! you make my stomach hurt and its really great
No one ever comments on my blog. There are a few cool kids at school that read it, but they don't leave comments. They come up to me during class and talk about what they just read.
People are sooo negative. I thought you make really good jokes.. but they just don't get it. I really like that one when you don't write their orders down and they question your mental abilities. haha. You joke back, and they cry like a baby. Douches.
Okay, I don't remember anything about not parking within 30 feet from Stop sign. Shit, I don't remember anything I read from that handbook. I do remember that day when I picked you up at the library and was sooooo proud to show me that really good parking spot you got! I said, "ooohh lala. Nice." Then you said, "What the fuck is that? Is that a ticket?" I thought that was really funny, but that guy is a douche. How dare him tell you that he didn't know that law until he took that position as a hearing officer and tell you that he doesn't agree with the rules but he has to fucking enforce them. He needs to get shit from the birds.
Dawg, you need to grow up. Texas is bred from greatness and honesty and if you can't understand the common laws of owning a vehicle, then you should be put inside of a womb and pooped out.
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